


Pulled apart at the seams

by nishiki



Series: Colors [4]
Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Nightcrawler - Freeform, Post-X-Men: Apocalypse (2016), Silvercrawler, Silvernight, movie universe, movieverse, nightsilver, quickcrawler, quicksilver - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2018-12-20 05:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11914386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nishiki/pseuds/nishiki
Summary: Love is being infatuated with another person. Love is thinking that there is not one single more beautiful person on the entire planet than the one you love. Love is butterflies and sunshine. Sometimes, however, love also is hurt and a broken heart and the feeling of being utterly lost.





	1. Prolog

Kurt Wagner was dead. That was what he had been told and yet the words had seemingly lost all meaning to him. Kurt was dead. But there was no body proving this theory. He was dead, everyone was adamant about it, everyone was sure about it. Although Peter felt that this couldn't be farther from the truth. It couldn't be, not for the way they parted ways before those words had ripped his world apart.

He had made a mistake. He had acted like an asshole. He had been unfair. He had yelled at him, he had fought with him. He had been so mad before Kurt left. Kurt couldn't be dead because he had acted like an asshole. Yet, everyone else decided that this was the case and what was there to do about it? What could he do? Was there anything he could do? Should he accept his boyfriend’s death just because everyone told him he was dead? Was this really it? Just like that? Could Kurt have died just like that? The one minute he had been home and fighting with Peter, the other he had walked out of that door and _boom_ he was dead? No, there was no way Pietro Maximoff would ever accept it like that because their story could not end like this.

However, by now, Peter had grown tired of the pitiful looks he got a long time ago. He had grown tired of Jean putting a gentle hand on his shoulder whenever she would find him sitting somewhere in silence. He had grown tired of Scott trying to involve him in an awkward conversation about nothing at all just to get his mind off that topic. He had grown tired of Ororo trying to distract him from a life without Kurt. He had grown tired of people sniffling when they would walk past Kurt's photo in the hallway. He had grown tired of people tip-toeing around him.

Suddenly, he could hardly recognize himself any longer in the mirror. He looked like an old man and almost it felt as if his whole life had gone by in just a second. How long had he been sitting in the dark after the news of Kurt's death had first hit him and knocked him off his feet? Hours? Days? Months? Years even? He couldn't tell. All he could tell was that he felt tired and that there was nothing he wanted to do but sleep.

He had lost the most precious thing in his life. He had fucked up everything once again and there was nothing he could do about it. No one could bring Kurt back to him.

 

**-End of Prolog-**


	2. Chapter 2

**1991 - Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters**

Pietro Maximoff was very aware of the eyes resting on his back as he was pacing back and forth in front of his teammates, still, there was no way he could scoop up enough fucks to give at the moment, no matter how annoyed his friends might be because of his pacing.  

»Pete« Scott's voice sounded beyond annoyed by this point and despite the fact that Peter didn't look at his friends, he knew that Scott had his arms crossed and was tapping his foot impatiently. »Pete, would you just stop that? It's really annoying!« At least Jean was quick enough to catch on as Peter turned around to face Scott to try and dissolve the tension between the two men before Peter could even begin taping Scott to the jet. Apparently, Scott needed a quick reminder of his powers, after Peter had refrained from playing tricks on his friends for quite a long time by now.  

»Scott, just go change already, I stay with Pete and wait here.« Jean sighed and stepped closer towards Peter to put a hand on his shoulder. »Don't worry, he’ll be here any minute now.«

»Oh, I'm not fucking worried.« Peter groaned and shot Scott another dark look as he dared to scoff. »I’m _livid,_ Jeanie.« The mission had been standard, nothing too serious, nothing too dangerous, just a bunch of purifiers that had needed to get their asses kicked again before they could have gone through with their plan to catch mutant children. Still, those things started to become more and more frequent by now. Worryingly frequent, as he might add. At least Ororo did not dare to say anything stupid to provoke him in any way.

Everything had gone according to plan for them until Kurt had seen the little mutant girl trapped in the hideout of those assholes. They had already been leaving the scene, shooting one last blast at the hideout to destroy their equipment so that it couldn't be used by anyone else again to find, capture and maybe even torture mutant children, as Kurt had seen the girl and teleported out of the jet, leaving the helm to Ororo.

Kurt's arrival back at the hangar was announced by the characteristic loud _BAMF_ , the dark blue smoke, and the smell of sulfur they all got so used to by now that it did not really register anymore with them. » _Puh!_ « Kurt laughed as he landed softly as a cat on the ground. The little girl was nowhere to be found. »Wasn't that a thrill, you guys?« His fur looked scorched and he smelled like fire as he stretched and walked closer towards them. Even his uniform had a few burn holes as Peter noticed now that Kurt was almost within arm's reach.

»What the fuck, Kurt?« It was Peter who lost his temper the first, even though he knew that the rest of the gang was angry as well, as he bridged the distance between him and his boyfriend and grabbed him by the collar of his torn black and red suit. »Have you now gone completely insane? Why the fuck did you do that?«

»What?« Kurt wheezed but made no move to get rid of the hand that was grabbing him so harshly. Of course not, Kurt knew that Peter would never harm him in any way and yet Peter felt like slapping some sense into Kurt’s brain.

»Oh, come on Kurt! You could have died, you fucking idiot! Why would you teleport in a building that's about to explode?« As he shoved Kurt back he did it a lot stronger than he would usually do. Kurt stumbled a little, but he caught himself quick enough to look at Peter angrily.

»Should I have let this girl die?«

Of course, Kurt would play out this card. Of course, he would try to appeal to the hero inside of him. They were all the same in this regard. None of them would ever let a child behind in danger. Maybe it was the hero-complex they all had. »No, but - Where is she even?«

»I brought her home first of course!« Kurt replied matter-of-factly as he put his hands on his hips and pushed his chin forward a little, ready to fight properly with Peter now. That they were both stubborn mules was nothing new anyway.

But of course, for Kurt bringing this girl home to her parents first, was completely natural and he had probably not even thought about the possibility that Peter or the others would worry for him. »Only you can do something as stupid like this. I was scared shitless!«

»I thought you were livid and not worried?« Scott quipped and this time Peter was all but about to tape him to the jet for real and then make the jet take off on autopilot to send Scott on a little journey around the world.

»Oh, yes I was livid, I still am, you fuckhead!« He turned to Scott as the elf still seemed oblivious as to why he was so angry. »And rightfully so! How would you feel if your girlfriend would do something that stupid?«

»We have been over this, Pete.« Kurt finally groaned as he stepped away from him for good now angry himself, apparently. »I don’t need your protection, for Christ’s sake.«

»Oh, my apologies for worrying for my boyfriend. My bad, I won’t do so again.«

»God give me the strength to deal with this idiot.« Kurt sighed before he teleported out of sight - probably right into the locker room to change and get cleaned up before stepping into the hallways of the school again and act his usual carefree self in front of his students.

»You guys are fighting quite often lately.« Jean quietly addressed him as she joined Peter’s side again to slowly direct him to the showers as well. They were all tired and a little jaded after the day and the mission. Usually, they would order pizza from the Italian restaurant downtown, mostly because they became a discount by now after all the times they had already saved the town and participated in the local carnival with their own set of attractions, but somehow Peter just wanted to have a nice hot shower and then crawl in his bed.

»The cursed seventh year, I guess.« He said but a small smirk crept on his face as he did so despite the fact that there was nothing funny about all of this. He would lie would he say that he was not afraid that their relationship might end because of those stupid fights they tended to have as of late. Maybe they both needed to put much more effort into it, but it wasn't always easy. Sure, they were living together and they were working at this school together and yet finding time for just one another was not always as easy as it used to be.

They needed to change that.

※※※※※※※

He would lie would he answer his mother’s last letter with telling her that everything was just peachy between him and Peter. It wasn't. Their relationship was far from being perfect at the moment, but it was even farther removed from being about to fall apart either. The situation was just, well, Peter would say it was fucked, but maybe that was normal, right? They were together for seven years now, they had grown together quite a lot. This was nothing but a dry spell and they would work through it.

Well, that was if Peter would maybe stop flirting with random women he would meet on the street - or, which was even worse, his students.

Kurt was looking ahead to their annual carnival in town with horror already and just because of that fact. Ever since they started to attend university, his boyfriend started to become more open toward other people, flirting with other students here and there. But up until now, that had never been something that would really concern Kurt. He himself was quite the flirt too, actually, and he liked flirting just as much as Peter, but they both knew not to cross the line. There was a difference between flirting with random strangers and flirting with students.

Still, things had started to become quite different lately and Kurt did not like it one bit. Nothing felt the same anymore, everything felt different and strained but he couldn’t say why.  

As he confined in Jean about his feelings the other day during their little lunch break in Jean’s classroom, she had just tried to console him the same way she would probably console any of their friends. _»Just talk to him about it.«_ Jean had told him as he first came to her, dropping his forehead on her desk. _»You’ll see it's probably just a misunderstanding, Sweetie.«_

Even as he was now hanging upside down from his monkey bars in their room and was waiting for Peter who was running late _again,_ he wanted to believe what Jean told him desperately, but it got increasingly harder with each day that would go by like this. A misunderstanding, maybe that had been the case in the beginning but now? It was impossible to say.

He didn't want to act like Peter’s jealous wife just because there were a number of girls by now who started flirting with his boyfriend. He had always known that this day might come, he had even been prepared for this case to occur in the beginning when he had been sure that Peter had to realize that he didn’t really want to date him sooner or later. Peter was such a good looking guy, after all. He had been certain that their relationship would find not a very graceful end when Peter would realize that he was dating a blue fuzzy elf.

 _Don't you trust him?_ He found himself asking as he was gently swaying back and forth from his monkey bars. It had been Peter’s idea to set up a set of monkey bars in their room, hanging from the ceiling just for Kurt. It had been a surprise, even. Of course, he trusted Peter. He didn't trust those girls though because quite a few of them were of the mindset that they could turn Peter straight again if they would just try hard enough. _They are teenagers_ , he reminded himself. _They don't know any better._ But they should. Some of them were about to become X-Men too. They should know better than this. But could he really blame those kids after all the bad things that were said about gay people in the media and with a number of movies that were suggesting that any gay man could be turned straight by the right woman and that they were only gay because they never met the right woman before.

He tried not to be angry with those girls.

Scott even said that he might just be jealous because Peter was suddenly in the eye of the female attention but Kurt couldn't care less about something as stupid as sharing attention whether it was from females or their friends. Having girls flirt with him had always been a little awkward anyway, even though he liked to make compliments and be his most charming self to really anyone. No, all of this was not the reason for why he felt jealousy deep down inside. It was simply that he had grown aware of the fact that he had never quite expected women to be interested in his lover after the first months of uncertainty. He had been too sure of himself. He had been lazy and if Peter would get snatched away from him, it would be entirely his fault.

It was probably this thought that hurt the most.

Only as the door to their room was opened, he snapped back into reality. Peter was already one hour late now. »Why look at that.« Kurt growled as he hung by his knees from the bar. »The fine gentleman is finally back home. _Wurde ja auch Zeit._ «

Peter rolled his eyes as he stepped inside, closing the door behind himself quietly, and threw his gym bag to the side carelessly. Oh, how much he hated it when Peter did this. Why couldn't he just put his stuff away neatly like everyone else? »Oh, come on, Babe, I’m not that late.« He sighed as he kicked off his sneakers. »We can still go to the cinema.«

»We won't make it in time now. Not even us, the movie starts in ten minutes and the cinema is on the other side of town.« He frowned before he got down to the ground again if only to push one of his long fingers into Peter's chest. Of course, he could teleport them both to the cinema in no time, but that wasn't the point. »And tonight was the last screening, Pete. But I get it, you were too busy with Stacy, right?« They wanted to spend the evening together outside of this school, just the two of them, having dinner and then a nice evening at the movies.

»Oh Lord, could you stop this nonsense already, Baby?« Peter sighed. His face spoke of the deep level of utter annoyance as he was facing Kurt now. He saw this expression quite a lot lately and he didn't like it. He didn't like to fight. He didn't like to be annoying. »There's nothing going on, even! Yes, she flirts with me, yes, she likes me a lot, but that does not mean something is happening between us, Kurt! You have more than enough girls fawning over you too and do you see me accusing you of anything like that? No. And you know why that is? ‘Cause I love you and I trust you, you idiot and I demand nothing more than the same level of trust in return.«

Despite the fact that he was still angry over their ruined date-night - the first in a really long time, actually - he knew that Peter was right. The sad thing was, that this didn't change anything about his emotions and he hated that fact. Suddenly, he felt so unsure of himself everytime he saw Peter with those girls. It was dumb, of course, and yet, those girls could give Peter a lot more than he would ever be able to, even though they had never talked about this. If Peter would fall for one of those women and leave him, he would not survive this. At least it felt like this and he felt pathetic because it did. He did not behave any better than one of those lovestruck teenage girls. And yet, the feeling that there was something that Peter wouldn't tell him, never left him and kept occupying his restless mind.

At least now he could understand how Peter felt when his mind was going one-hundred-miles per hour with each and every second.

»She's always around you, though.« He sighed before he just leaned his forehead against Peter's chest in frustration over his own behavior. Behaving like this just wasn't like him. It wasn't like them to fight over something so benign! He just wanted comfort now. He wanted Peter to wrap his arms around him and make him feel like they were the only two people in the whole entire world. »She always looks at you like you're her hero.«

»Well, I am.« Peter smirked as he brushed his hand through Kurt's unruly hair instead of wrapping his arms around Kurt. »I saved her, after all, or did you forget about that?« At least Peter sounded a lot calmer again.

»How could I if you keep reminding me of it.« He frowned.

»Listen, Kurt, she’s just a hormonal teen and she sees someone in me who saved her life. It's really nothing more than this. She’s just star struck or something like this. Until I saved her, she only heard about the X-Men from TV, after all. Sure, she's making heart eyes at me at every given time, but what does that mean in the bigger picture?« Not to mention that Stacy was attending every single class Peter was giving, although Peter’s classes did not really fit her powerset.

»Her power is to seduce people…« Kurt murmured against Peter’s warm and firm chest. Maybe that was it. Stacy’s power was to seduce people, no matter who and often enough she could not quite control her powers. But what if she would use her powers deliberately on Peter to split them up?

Peter still seemed unconcerned about Stacy against all odds. »True, but she’s not using them on me or would I stand here with you if she were?«

»Probably not.« Kurt sighed before he let go of Peter again with a weary little grin that was more than forced now. »You should take a shower now, you stink.«

With a smile, Peter walked towards the bathroom door but stopped dead in his tracks before he entered the next room just to turn around and face Kurt again. »But if we’re being honest with each other now … She did, in fact, kiss me tonight. That's why I’m so late, Babe. Nothing happened, but she … Yes, well, she kissed me. It’s not a big deal and before you ask - no I did not kiss her back, I pushed her away immediately.«

As Peter stepped inside the bathroom, Kurt was almost frozen in place but after the moment had passed and the spell was broken, he almost threw his favorite cup at the door Peter vanished through. No matter what Peter said or thought about Stacy, to Kurt it was a punch in the guts and he was ready to rip her to shreds.

»It's not a big deal?« He finally shouted as he decided to follow Peter into the bathroom and found his boyfriend half undressed already. »I told you to shut this down from the beginning but you wouldn't listen to me! You told me I was seeing things which weren't there and that I was being paranoid!«

»Well, I didn't think she would take it that far, Babe.« Peter tried to assure him and his brown eyes finally told how remorseful he truly seemed to feel about what happened even though he had tried to play it down until now. »We live together, everyone at this school knows that we’re together, I was sure she would cool down eventually and forget her obsession with me, _Liebling_.«

But despite his assurances, to Kurt it was all but impossible to really believe him now. »Or did you secretly enjoy her attention? Come on, tell me now, Pete. Now’s the moment to be truly honest. If you’re bored with me, if I’m not enough anymore, just tell me and we can go our separate ways, but do not try to fuck with me like that. Or her, for that matter.«

Kurt was out of the room in a cloud of smoke and sulfur before Peter could even begin to form an answer. It wasn't like Kurt to run from a fight but this time he was honestly afraid of the answer. Maybe he was overreacting, that was at least a possibility he wouldn't throw off the table completely. For now, however, he wanted to occupy his mind and body with training and he had never been more grateful to the Professor for all the acrobatic equipment he had installed for Kurt’s  classes to teach everyone with acrobatic talents.

※※※※※※※

The anti mutant propaganda had reached a new high in the last few months and every time they would all come together in the war room of the school to discuss their plans, the situation would look grimmer and grimmer and those militant groups that were trying to get them wiped out would only become stronger and stronger despite the blows they had already delivered to them and their band of assholes.

»The situation does not look too good, I agree.« Jean sighed as she put down the latest report that Charles had handed over to them only minutes ago. She had always been a quick reader. »The number of kidnapped mutant children only rises and we can do nothing to prevent it.« The report did indeed look grim, that Kurt had to admit truly.

»Unless we can figure out how those assholes are working.« Peter threw in with a sigh. »I mean if we can figure out their modus operandi that-«

»Would still not make things clearer for we can’t be everywhere at once.« Scott cut him off as he started to massage his temples shortly. They were all a little weary by now. No matter how many heads they would cut off, the beast just grew new ones.

»The last two girls they kidnapped were runaways. Maybe we should look for those types of kids in the future.« Ororo offered to the rest of the group as she was once again filing through the photos of the latest victims before spreading them out on the large oval table they all sat at in this brightly lit room, one of those photos was of the little girl Kurt had saved on their last mission. She was only eight and her powers unstable. Under different circumstances, they would have brought her to the school immediately to help her cope with her new found powers, but since they were no source of danger for anyone, the Professor had not sent them after the girl again.

»But we still don't know what those assholes want from those kids or where they take them after they left their hiding spots. Shouldn't we try and find out more about this first?« Scott sighed as he leaned back in his chair with a look on his face that could only be described as tired. After all those years they had all spent together as a team and friends, it was easy to tell for them when Scott was in fact tired, despite not being able to see his eyes.

»Maybe they are still working on a cure.« Kurt offered as a possible explanation, even though he doubted this after everything he had learned by now. The purifiers deemed them monsters and they did not seem intent on curing them but wiping them out once and for all. »Something to heal all mutants from their mutations without asking them maybe. Or they plan something to make the humans hate us even more, although I can’t think of anything they could achieve that with. They already hate our mutant guts.«

»I agree that we should first try and find out what they are planning before doing anything else.« Peter finally interrupted the discussion around the table as he flopped down in his chair on Kurt's right hand side again. The last few minutes the speedster had spent walking around the room and filing enthusiastically through the report. His boyfriend, after all those years, still could not bring himself to sit still for their briefings, but by now no one was really bothered by him walking around anymore. The only thing that was still bothering at least Scott was when Peter would just vanish during missions to grab a bite to eat. Well, if they wanted him to keep running, he needed to recharge his batteries. That was why Kurt made sure to have snacks with him at every mission even though it made him feel like Peter’s mother running after him with a lunch bag.

»But we cannot just leave the whole kidnapping thing unanswered either. I think, if we really want to put an end to those things, we have to split up.« Kurt said as he glanced around the table. None of them liked to split up in teams. They worked together perfectly fine and splitting up always brought only added danger with it. Their missions were already dangerous enough as they were. Still, this time it seemed to be their best option and as he noticed how Professor X was looking at him now intrigued, he braced himself to move on. »One team should try and save those kidnapped kids or at least try to prevent those kidnappings from happening in the first place, and one team should try to find everything out they can about their motives.«

»I have to agree with Kurt.« The Professor finally threw in his opinion at last. Until now, he had only quietly listened to them talking with his hands folded under his chin and his expression unreadable and thoughtful as always. »Especially since I got word of another mutant boy that would fit into the pattern of the latest disappearances. His name is Victor Borkowski from Fairbury, Illinois. His parents reported him missing a few hours ago, apparently after he ran away from home after an argument with his parents. He could be next on their list, even though apparently his mutation only just started to show - which was, presumably, the reason for their altercation.«

»Alright, I'm gonna get going then.« Peter immediately stated as he rose from his spot again.

»I thought that Kurt might be better suited for this job, Pietro.« Even after all those years, Peter still hated it when someone other than Kurt would call him by his real name and to Kurt it still was a little flattering that he was the one person allowed to call him Pietro frequently. Sometimes, he felt that Peter might even like it when he would say his real name.

»Me?« Kurt replied surprised. It wasn't too long ago that he had endangered himself stupidly to save that little girl and although he would do it again and did not regret what he had done, he knew that he had not been behaving professionally in this matter as of late. Peter would probably say that this was because of the hero complex they all shared.

»Well, Victor’s mutation is a little unusual, Kurt. I thought you would be best prepared to get this boy to join us here at the school, if his parents are consenting to this.« It didn't take long for Kurt to realize that Peter was not at all happy with the Professor’s decision even after they had gotten the first quite blurry photos that existed from Victor Borkowski after his mutation had started to kick in and show itself.

»Don't make such a big deal about it.« Kurt later sighed as they arrived back at their room. Peter was already throwing his shirt off even before Kurt had closed the door behind him. Not that anyone would really care anyway. Their latest fight was still on his mind and he knew that Peter wasn't feeling any different in this regard. They both hated fighting with one another and when they did it would always linger a little while longer in the air around him as it seemed. Like a ghost that could not leave the scene of their murder. »I've been on solo missions before. This is not a big deal. I'm going to the location the Professor tells me to go and I’ll find that boy and bring him here. I'm much faster and much more discreet when working alone. I can just teleport through the country to get to him after all. You’ll see, I'm back in no time.«

Peter scoffed but kept undressing a lot slower than he could. By now he refrained from doing absolutely everything in top speed. »Yeah right, you'll take every opportunity to play the hero, aren't you? Or is it that you take every opportunity to be as far away from me as possible now?«

»What do you mean?« Kurt sighed. It was hard not to sound annoyed in the light of those accusations. As of late, every conversation with Peter felt hard and almost impossible to muster. Maybe they were both just tired of one another after seven years of their relationship. The fact that Peter had been kissed by Stacy would not leave his mind either. He knew that it was not Peter's fault and that he hadn't done anything, that he wouldn't lie to him, but the fact that she kissed him still stood between them like an ugly vase in the middle of the room which he liked to destroy for good.

»I mean that you're hardly around any longer after I told you about the incident with Stacy. Are you really blaming me? Or do you still think I want to leave you for some random teenie?« It was hard to tell what Peter felt as he was asking those questions. Earlier in their relationship, Peter had been like an open book to Kurt, but by now, after everything started to get so out of hand, it was impossible to read him.

»Of course, I'm around.« Kurt sighed. »I'm around all the time, in fact.«

»Yeah? Sure as hell doesn't feel like it. You only come to bed when you think I'm already asleep or you'll go to bed so early that you're asleep when I come back. You even ditched training with me a few times already. Come on, Kurt, I know you and I know how you act whenever you try to avoid talking to me.«

The worst part of this argument was, that Peter was indeed right with what he said. He was avoiding him. He was hurt because of the incident with Stacy despite the fact that he knew just how incredibly foolish that was. She had probably not even meant it, it wasn't a big deal and he couldn't and shouldn't blame Peter - which he didn't, and yet he felt hurt, but that was entirely his own problem to deal with. Peter was not the bad one in this situation and claiming that he was would be truly evil. »I'm not avoiding you.«

»You sure as hell are.«

»Well, you know what? Maybe it's good that I’ll take that mission alone. I think a little bit of alone time would benefit us.« For a moment, he was surprised by his own words as they slipped out of his mouth but deep down he knew that this was what he felt for a long time now.

»What do you mean?« Now it was Peter who seemed honestly confused and his brown eyes grew a bit larger. It struck Kurt quickly enough how his words had to sound and although this was far from being his intention, he could not deny that he really felt like a bit of time apart would do them well.

»I'm just saying that we're always fighting lately. No surprise, really, we hardly spent time apart ever since we first got together, right? We always do everything together - Not even Jean and Scott are like this. Maybe we should use this time apart to straighten out our own minds and get a clear head again, to find out what we really want, that's all.«

»I don't need to straighten out my mind, Kurt. I know what I really want and that's you, just as it always was ever since I realized that I love you. If you feel any different than this, if you're not sure about _us_ anymore, just tell me but don't act like we both would need time to think because I don’t need time.« His sigh was deep now before he ruffled through his silver hair and finally stepped closer towards Kurt only to grab his hands a little harder than usually. »I'm sorry if I made you feel bad, Kurt. I'm sorry if you think I might cheat on you with someone like Stacy. I never intended to hurt you, Babe. You know that I was always honest and open about everything to you.«

Still, something inside of his chest stung at Peter's words and he couldn't even name the feeling confidently. A knock on the door was his rescue and still he couldn't play down how he flinched ever so slightly at Peter’s touch and the knock on the door. »I have to get ready now, Pietro.« He mumbled as he slowly took his hands out of those of his lover. Somehow he felt a little more hollow inside as he went to answer the door. Scott was already waiting on the other side with the report of the Professor and the order to come see Professor Xavier again before taking off.

»We’ll talk about this when I’m back, alright?« Kurt turned around one final time in the doorway to look back at Peter. He looked small all of the sudden and Kurt felt heavier than ever. He didn't know what this feeling was and how it managed to weigh him down so much so quickly. They had not broken up, they were still together, they still loved each other without a doubt even, but there was this creepy little voice in the back of his head, asking him if this was enough. Sometimes love just wasn't enough for a relationship to work long time. A part of him had always known that the day might come when Peter and he would realize that too and that with this day the yearning for a family of their own would come along too.

Kurt had always wanted children of his own. He had always known that he wanted kids and yet a part of him had never thought he would have children, maybe even afraid to pass on his genes and his mutation, but he couldn't deny that this wish was only growing stronger with every year that would pass. He adored children and he adored the work with children. But he would probably never have children of his own. He guessed that this was okay. As he and Peter first got together, he had come to terms with this realization that he would never have children of his own if he would stay with Peter, and it had been fine. Not everyone was made to be a parent, he had told himself.

Would this be the thing that would break their relationship eventually? He didn't want to think about the possibility, but he had to acknowledge that it was a possibility. Unlike Peter, who always lived for the day and never planned ahead too far in advance, Kurt had not the talent to just drown out everything that might be uncomfortable to think about.

What if Peter would fall for a girl who could give him all of that? What would he do then?

Peter nodded and Kurt tried a little smile, but it got stuck halfway and made his face feel a little off. He could only hope that Peter would be still there when he would come home, he guessed as the door fell shut behind him.

 

**-End of Chapter 2-**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attention: Time jump ahead!

He dreamed of the sea. Only once in his life had he been there as the circus had ventured further and further north through Germany up Friesland and thus to the North Sea. He had been quite small, three or maybe four, and he remembered his big brother holding his little blue hand as they walked along the shoreline with naked feet in the shallow water so that every little wave send splashes of salt water up against their shins and drenching the hems of their jeans in cold water. He remembered the power of the waves as they broke meters from the shore every time they hit a sandbank. He remembered the sound of it, this constant swoosh as if Poseidon himself was talking with his deep rumbling voice directly to them. He remembered the sunlight bouncing off the azure blue water under a clear blue sky and the harsh wind that ripped at their clothes. They had been freezing as they walked home afterward but it had been worth it completely. Even after all these years, the memory of the sea and his brother was still one of comfort and peace. He felt safe in this memory with Stefan's hand tightly wrapped around his.

However, as he opened his eyes now, the memory slowly faded away. The swooshing of the waves remained in his ears a moment longer as if he would press a sea shell firmly to his ear, but maybe it was only his own blood rushing through his head. His entire self was one of pain as he made the mistake of letting the memory slip from his grip. It was, undoubtedly, not the first time that he felt this way during his still very young life. He was only twenty-four years old now, turning twenty-five in a few months if he would survive until then, as a bitter voice in his brain reminded him of, and already he had experienced situations like this one much too often for his taste. Apparently, he had a habit of getting himself into trouble, which was a revelation that did not come as a surprise.

He had been beaten and tortured before, but this time was different and not because of his own pain, at least that much was certain. He could stand the feeling of complete and overwhelming fear even. He had dealt with it before and in much younger years too. The worst that could happen was that he would die, he assumed, and while unpleasant, this was hardly a reason for him to panic. Death was the inevitable end of everyone's life, after all. He was no exception to this rule.

Still, he thought about Peter and the way they had parted ways. He wished he could at least talk to him one last time, tell him how much he loved him and how truly unimportant their fight or this stupid kiss had been. His anger had not been without reason, he knew this and neither had been Peter’s anger, but the reason was all too stupid now, he guessed. A cough in the darkness around him pulled him back to reality, however.

»You alright, Buddy?« Kurt smirked as he turned his face towards the source of the sound before even though the person that had the misfortune of sharing a room with him, was unable to see him. He wished there would be at least a bit of light, but at least he could see everything almost clearly, thanks to his sometimes very handy mutation. The young boy in the cage next to his had his face buried against his knees and Kurt could see that he was crying because of the way his shoulders shook.

He could not help but feel pity for the child beside him.

»Yes…« He hiccupped quietly. The boy was only eleven years old, a child, really no matter how much he tried to play tough, he couldn't deceive Kurt. He had been this boy himself at one point in his life, locked in an electrified cage because he was different because he _looked_ different. The boy was covered in scales from head to toe. From his formerly black hair was not a single strand left now anymore, instead, his head was adorned with green spikes now. The poor boy’s transformation had been rapid and surprising for everyone, but for him especially. One day he had been a completely normal looking young boy from Fairbury Illinois and the next day he looked like a lizard from the Goosebumps novels.

»Vic, don't worry, we'll get out of here.« He promised softly. »I've escaped worse situations and people like this before.« It was a lie, but what else could he tell him? He had been sent to find Victor and bring him to the safety of the Institute and yet he had failed so miserably.

»You say this all the time, but we are still here, Kurt.« The boy replied and proved to Kurt once again that he would not buy his lies just like that. He was a child, yes, but he seemed to be anything but stupid. »You'll see, Vic, it's not long until the rest of my team finds us.« Peter would not give up until he would have found him, he knew this, but of course, he couldn't tell Victor just that. How long was he here already? A week? A month? Longer? He had lost all sense of time. There was no source of time except for the neon lamps on the ceiling, no telling of day and night. In this whole complex, Kurt had yet to see a window. He felt like they were deep below the surface.

»You mean the X-Men?« Vic whispered awestruck and raised his head from his knees finally. »I saw them on TV. I wished I could be as cool as you guys.« Kurt smiled wearily. Victor had surely not wished to become a green scaled lizard person.

»Yes, the X-Men. They would never give up, Victor. They'll find us and then they'll get you back home to your parents.« The door to the room they were both locked up in their cages in opened with a loud screech and as the steps of heavy work boots slammed on the ground, Victor pressed his back against the back of his cage in fear.

The bright neon light was blinding to him as one of the men beat his fist down on the light switch next to the large metal door. Kurt had had plenty of time to study his surroundings in the time that had already gone by - how long that might have been, however, he could not say.

The room was small, more like a storage unit, perhaps - just big enough to hold a row of metal cages lined up along the far wall of the elongated rectangular room. The cages were smaller even than a dog kennel, uncomfortable for someone as tall as him. If he had to guess, he would say that each cage was around 0.8 square meters big, hardly enough for a grown man like him to sit in upright comfortably. Luckily, Kurt could easily contort his body into the most uncomfortable positions and hold those for quite some time. Still, even his body hurt all over. There were six cages in total set up next to each other, but for now, only his and Victor's cages were in use. Wouldn't he know it any better, he would say that they got the cages from an animal shelter. _They_ , in this case, where the same people that went around the country to steal mutant children from their homes, the assholes that called themselves _the Purifiers_ , a group of militant lunatics that tried to exterminate the mutant threat against mankind once and for all. He had been dealing with them before and yet everything seemed to be different now.

He couldn't escape his cage, no matter how hard he would try to. The bars of his cage were buzzing with electricity and wouldn't he be unable to sleep anyway, the ever-flowing electricity would make it impossible. Last time he had tried to get out, he had been knocked out cold for hours. And Vic? He was a child and not even remotely in full possession of his evolving powers. His skin had been the first thing to change about him a little while ago and now? Well, there was no way of telling what this boy was truly capable of by now. Not as long as he would be in this cage, at least.

So, as the three men slowly stepped closer toward their cages, their eyes fixed on Victor, with their machine guns strapped to their chests, he made a decision. The decision Kurt made next, was certainly not a very clever one, but he did it nonetheless. Being a hero often meant making stupid decisions, after all. »Hey, you! Assholes! Are you here for our next date already? You didn't even bring me flowers! Geez, were you raised in a barn?«

As the men's eyes fell upon him now, Kurt was very aware that he had just opened the gates to hell, and yet, as he noticed Victor's horrified look at him, Kurt smirked and threw him a small wink.

※※※※※※※

The atmosphere inside of the Institute felt off ever since the news of Kurt's disappearance had reached the ears of the students. Especially Kurt's students seemed heartbroken and until now, there was no way to console them. And, honestly, Peter had not the mindset to even try at the moment, nor did he really care for any of this.

He was walking through these halls like a zombie, at least he was sure that he looked like one. Weeks had passed since he had last seen or spoken to Kurt the last time. Weeks, and still no progress in the search for Kurt. Well, then again, there was not much of a search going on anyway, he guessed.

Professor X could not find Kurt, not even with the help of Cerebro. They all knew that this could only mean one of two things. Kurt was either shielded through some device so that even Cerebro couldn't detect him or he was dead. Apparently, everyone had decided that the latter alternative was the true one.

»Pete … You know that I hate to say this and that we all want to believe that he is fine, but … He lost so much blood, Petey.« Jean sighed as she laid her left hand gently on his right biceps. The soft sofa cushions slightly drooped under her weight as she sat down next to him. Her voice was soothing and warm and yet it had no effect on him for once. Jean was known to be able to talk any berserk down from an outburst, but he felt not even an inch calmer. »Even if he has survived his injuries … The chance that he is still alive is slim to nonexistent. I'm so sorry, Pete.«

He interrupted her with a growl as he rose from his spot on the way too soft sofa and began pacing again like a caged tiger through the sitting room. The glass doors to the patio were wide open to let in the fresh breeze of summer. Still, Peter felt as cold as if it was winter instead. »Don't say it, Jean. Don't you dare say it.«

Jean sighed as he flashed her his most dark look, but then she just threw her hands in the air as if she finally reached her witts end. »We have to accept the possibility of his death, Peter! None of us is immortal!«

»I don't have to accept jack-shit, Jean! You and Scott were the ones who abandoned all hope the moment we found the blood and declared that he is dead! You! But I don't have to accept this! I will not stop until I found him. Wouldn't you do the same thing if it was Scott we're talking about?« His fists were trembling and once again he had the hardest time fighting his urge to just raise havoc on this school like he had on the day they came back from their search party. No one had stopped him even. They had just let him go crazy. He wondered if this made it worse. If his friends would still have the tiniest bit of hope for Kurt, they would have tried to calm him, wouldn't they? But they had let him rage and destroy things instead.

»You know, I have to agree with Peter on that.« Usually, Jubilee stayed away from their group for the most part, even though she and Jean were best friends. She was not a member of their team and her visits became sparser since she started college, but since Kurt was gone she came back to the school more frequently. Now, she leaned against the wall next to the large fireplace with crossed arms and tried to give the impression of not staring at Peter. »No matter how much I hate to say that, Jean, but Peter is right. You wouldn't stop searching for Scott either, despite how slim the chances may be. Don't ask something of him that you couldn't give yourself in a situation like this.«

It was true that his and Jubilee's relationship had always been quite strained, even from the beginning long before he and Kurt ever got together, but of course even more so since they became a couple and with that a force to be reckoned with in day to day life at this school. He and Jubilee just never clicked. They had their mutual friends, but they themselves would never be more than acquaintances or classmates. They were just too elementary different. However, since all of that happened a lot of time had passed and Jubilee had overcome her heartache about Kurt and rather formed a close friendship with everyone's favorite elf again.

Their argument was quickly interrupted, however, as they heard loud voices arguing from the entrance hallway and the heavy wooden entrance portal slamming shut. »That's Raven's voice.« Jean said before Mystique even entered the room they were in just to the side of the entrance hall, accompanied by a very flustered looking Hank McCoy. He looked disheveled, to say the least, his glasses crooked on his face and his hair a mess. A few nasty looking stains on his lab coat hinted on an experiment gone wrong.

»I don't want to hear any of this, Hank!« She shouted as she barged into the sitting room as if following a sixth sense. Her eyes quickly scanned the room and then fell upon Peter. Even quicker she bridged the distance between them. »You!« As she pushed the long nail of her index finger into his chest, he felt uncomfortably reminded of Mama Margali and, to his dismay, of his own mother. »You tell me what happened to my son right now!«

The situation was as unreal as it got. Mystique was beyond upset after the news of Kurt's disappearance and possible death seemed to have reached her too by now. Caliban, his mind helpfully supplied. Or the Professor. And although Peter would honestly understand every mother feeling this way in the light of news so horrific, Raven, in his mind, really had no right to feel or react this way.

»Go and ask the Professor.« Peter barked out of sheer impulse as he balled his hands into trembling fists. He did not care much for the fact that Raven was a woman, he would beat the living shit out of her, either way, would she do or say anything to provoke him any further.

»I ask you.« Raven growled but before the altercation could escalate and become physical indeed, Jean took over with her all too familiar soft and understanding voice. She would make a good teacher one day, that much was certain.

»Raven.« She said with a friendly smile on her face rising from her spot on the sofa as if the reason for Raven's arrival at the school was not the news of Kurt's possible death and as if nothing had changed between all of them ever since Raven had left like the coward she was. Raven Darkholme, however, was not a friend of feigned friendliness. »Good to see you again, even under circumstances like these.« Jean continued and Peter could only assume that she really meant what she said. After all, Raven had been their mentor for quite a long time before she left after Kurt's accident. And she had been a most capable mentor too. »It has been years. You missed a lot.«

»Like my son dying?« Raven spat and put her hands on her hips. Even to Peter, it was clear now that she was fighting to keep her composure. Nevertheless, although he could see that she was honest right now, he could not even begin to feel pity for her.

»As if you would care.« Peter spat. »Where were you the last few years, huh? Don't act as if you would care about him. You abandoned him, don't forget that! You were never there for him in the first place! You threw him to the wolves and now you act like you would care about him!«

Raven's full lips were nothing more than a thin line by now, but it was obvious that she was holding back insults - probably because she knew that he was right. A hurt animal tends to lash out.

»Pete, please…« Jean began but trailed off as Peter turned around to leave the room. Would he stay a second longer, he would not be able to compose himself any longer. He still had to write to Margali, he supposed. After all, she was Kurt's mother and she did not know what happened yet. He stopped right outside the room and leaned against the wall beside the door to the room he had just left, even though his first impulse had been to just run off in a cloud of silver and to leave everything behind. He was dreading to write the letter to Margali.

Even if he would try to focus on writing this long due letter, he could never bring himself to tell her the truth anyway, especially not in German. For once in his life, he wished to have Erik, his dad, around more. Their relationship had not changed as much as he would have maybe hoped in younger years, but at least now they had a sense of some form of relationship at least and that was worth something, he assumed. Erik would know what to do now.

»Forgive him, Raven.« He heard Jean through the open door. »You can probably imagine that it hit him very hard.« His eyes fell upon the small table in the front of the entrance hall where they had set up a photo of Kurt from the teacher gallery on the first floor. Some of the students had laid down flowers and gifts, some even wrote letters to thank Kurt for everything that he had done for them. All of those gifts and letters were heartfelt and honest, yet they made Peter all the more furious.

»Tell me what happened.« Raven demanded to know and this time, through Jean, her wish would be granted.

»It was a routine mission, honestly.« Peter heard how Jean began to tell the story that Peter would much rather forget than hear over and over again as a constant reminder of his failure to protect and save the one person he loved the most. He should have been there. »He was sent to find a young boy, Victor Borkowski, whose mutation only recently started to become active. His parents alarmed us of his disappearance. We thought that the Purifiers might catch him otherwise. He went alone but we lost contact to him after he first found the boy’s hiding spot in an old abandoned textile factory.«

»Since when does Charles allow solo missions like this?« Raven interrupted with a bark that sounded way too much like a mother confronting a teacher about an injury her child suffered under their supervision.

»It was Kurt's wish to go alone.« Jean said. »The kid's mutation is similarly _unique_ as Kurt's. He wanted the boy to feel safe and not intimidated by too many of our kind. Anyway, as we went to his last known location they were both gone.«

»And what makes you think that he is dead?« Peter squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn't slept since all of this took place and every time he closed his eyes, he saw the reality of that gruesome scene play out in front of his eyes again and again. The blood-spattered walls seemed to be all that he was capable of seeing ever since.

»The scene did not give much room for other possible conclusions.« Jean quietly replied. He could hear how she was fighting to keep her composure. Kurt was as much part of her life as he was of Peter’s. They were family. Somehow. »Kurt never drops off the radar just like this, not even the Professor can locate him with Cerebro.«

»So, in other words, there was no body?«

»Only liters of blood, Raven. Even if he has been alive before they captured him - _if_ they captured him. There is no way he survived losing so much blood. You know what Cerebro is capable of and if not even Cerebro can find him… There is no sign of life out there. The whole scene … It looked as if a bomb had gone off.«

Peter left in a flash as he could no longer stand Jean’s retelling of the story and the horrors Peter had gone through as if it meant nothing. Maybe he was a little unfair, as might very well be the case and yet he couldn't stop but feel the way he did. He didn't care whom he might scare as he was rushing through the halls of the school. All he wanted was to get away from this situation, even though he would probably never truly be able to get away. It was in his head.

Of course, he knew that he had to confront the truth sooner or later, but he refused to confront it now. Jean seemed all too eager to declare Kurt dead and he could just not stand her presence as long as she did. As he stopped, he had already reached the hangar. No matter if the others had already given up, he would surely not do so. He would only accept Kurt's death when he would see his dead body and until that point was reached, he would continue his search, even if it meant going against Professor Xavier's orders.

As he walked into the hangar, he almost expected that Scott or someone else would try to stop him. No one was inside the hangar. Only a breath of cold air from the AC unit that came to life as the door was opened greeted him. Peter paused a second, unsure of what he really wanted to do as his eyes fell upon the locker room door. He walked towards the door with firm steps but stopped again in the doorway to the man's locker room.

The door to Kurt's locker stood ajar, just like he had left it. Without giving so much of a second thought, Peter bridged the distance between him and Kurt's locker. A part of him wanted to close it but as his hand then grabbed onto the metal door, he could not bring himself to do it. As long as it would stay open like this, there was still hope that Kurt would come back to close it. Ridiculous, really. Instead of closing it, however, he rested his forehead against the edge.

If - _when_ \- he would go to search for Kurt, he would not do it as an X-Man. He would go as Kurt's boyfriend, as Pietro D. Maximoff and not as Quicksilver. After all, their team, the X-Men seemed to have given up on Kurt already, and Peter would not stay put and wait for them to change their minds. Every second that he wasted in sitting around and waiting for them to change their minds, was a second that would bring Kurt closer and closer to death.

So, with a jolt, Peter flung himself around and left the hangar again. He had a new goal set in his mind and that was to reach the garage before anyone could stop him, which shouldn't be as much of a problem for someone as fast as him. Still, it was, of course, impossible for anyone to keep anything a secret from the Professor.

» _Peter, where are you going?_ « He didn't flinch or stop, as the voice of Professor X sounded in his head. The novelty of all of this started to wear off after the first few weeks here at this school. Honestly, Professor Xavier was far more advanced and a lot cheaper than any speaker system in any school could ever be.

»I'm done sitting around. I'm leaving.« Peter replied and put as much venom into his voice as he possibly could. The reply he got was exactly what he had expected from someone like Professor X who was always so concerned about his children.

» _I cannot stop you from going after Kurt, Peter. But there is no lead that you can follow. Would you mind coming to my office first so that we can discuss this?«_ Even in his head, the Professor's voice was ever so gentle and calm, but Peter was too old for this trick.

»No can do, Professor, and as long as you won't force me, I'm doing what I have to.« He reached the garage in a whim, after he sped past all the “ **No running in the hallways** ” and “ **No powers inside the school** ” signs, some of which had been set up specifically because of him and Kurt after their various chases through the building had scared teachers and students alike more than just a few times. Startling untrained mutants in the midst of their development could lead to detrimental results.

It should come as no surprise to virtually anyone that Peter had, of course, stolen the very first of those signs to put it up in their room accompanied by the various Polaroid’s they had taken together in the past seven years. Kurt, from the very beginning, had not only understood but even matched his madness.

»I thought that you would come here.« A much too familiar voice spoke before he could even switch on the light inside the large garage and as he did, he was not surprised to find Raven inside the garage either. »Spending so much time with your dad has made it a lot easier to figure out what you would do, Peter.«

»Oh? Well, and you share a habit of waiting in the darkness to scare the living shit out of anyone who passes by with your son - but that's about it.«

As Raven stepped out of the shadows, he could witness how she changed her natural blue form for the blonde beauty that she liked to show the world. For a while, it had seemed as if she would start to feel more comfortable in her true form while teaching them, but even if that truly was the case, it was impossible to say.

»Where are you going?« Her voice sounded a little off like this as if it was missing the typical vigor. Even the way she looked at him now was truly odd.

»What do you want from me, _Mystique_?« He hissed and decided to choose the name their former mentor had once decided to go by to get a bit more of the much-needed distance between them. He had trusted her once, back in the day as they had fought Apocalypse side by side. She had been the reason he had survived this fight against their enemy in the first place. Now they seemed to be nothing but strangers.

Even later, after he had first learned the truth about her being Kurt's mother, he had felt some sense of respect for her but she had destroyed every last trace of that feeling in just a matter of seconds after she had decided to lie to him and tell him the most horrendous things about why she had given Kurt away instead of raising him. Had she just told him the honest truth about everything, Peter would easily have forgiven her and helped her to reconcile with her son even.

»To tell you the truth.« She finally answered after a moment of honest hesitation although Peter, and most others too, had a hard time knowing when this woman was indeed honest. She was a master liar and not just because of her ability to shapeshift.

Sometimes, Peter wondered how she might have been in younger years, growing up alongside Professor X. What made her the way she was? The meeting with Peter's own father, perhaps? By now he knew everything about the first group that called themselves the X-Men all those years ago and he knew how his father had gathered those who thought alike around him. Had that been the turning point? The beginning of the end?

»About what?« He scoffed and although he was not really willing to waste any more time, he crossed his arms and raised his chin in a silent challenge.

»About me.«

This time, the words left his mouth even before he could think them. »I don't care about you.« Was she maybe trying to buy time so that the rest of his team could come around to stop him? They all knew that they would never be able to catch up to him when he had a goal set in mind and this time, his goal was clear.

»And about why I gave Kurt away.« She added quieter and her voice even had the hint of softness creeping up on him which only promoted him to get his guard up even more. He would not fall for any sob story she might tell him now.

»Is there a third story now?«

»No, only the truth and I want to share the truth with you.«

»You should have told Kurt the truth, not me.«

Her lips were now not much more than a thin line and her fake brown eyes lowered to the ground as if his words had really been able to hurt her in any way. The thought needed a moment to manifest itself properly. What if she really was hurt? Maybe it was a mistake to think that Raven Darkholme did not feel a thing for her own child, after all, as their mentor, she had been the one demanding more from Kurt than from anyone else. She had been adamant in teaching Kurt so that he would be able to fight with all of them.

»You know what?« She suddenly sighed as she sat down on the hood of Scott's car. »I agree with you on that at least. I should have talked to him sooner. I should have gone to him as he woke up from his coma and talk to him. I should not have left the task of telling him the truth to you or Charles. It was my duty as his mother, to be honest about all of this and yet I chose to run like a coward. I can't turn back time, though. I wished I would have told him the truth all those years ago, as I had the chance. But I didn't because my pride was too big because I didn't know how to react to him and the fact that he was still alive in the first place. I should have told him everything from the start and not act like his mentor and leave him in the dark about all of this as if it meant nothing to me.«

How much could he really buy from all of this? How much of it was the honest truth? How much did she say just to make him feel less angry or maybe even pity for her? He was one of those people who always expected the worst from others because that was what his experience taught him, but Raven was a mother deep down inside. No matter how shitty a mother she had been to Kurt, she still was a mother and he did not know her story. Peter could only wonder how his mother would react to the news of his death and he came to the conclusion, that he didn't wish to die without the chance of reconciliation with his mother.

»Tell me then and I'll tell Kurt when I have found him.«

 

**\- End of Chapter 3 -**


	4. Chapter 4

The pain was excruciating. He didn't quite know how bad it really was, as he woke up in a daze in his cage once again, only that it was bad. Really bad. Hell, he felt stupid even thinking that. Bad was a cute little word for referring to the state he was in. Peter would probably come up with something more appropriate. Peter always found the right words. His tail was broken so severely in only God knew how many places that it was all but useless to him now. He couldn't use it in any way and every time he tried to, the pain that would shoot through his body would almost be enough to knock him out cold again.

 _Heh_. He had never known just how many bones he had in his tail alone. Weird, actually.

He could hardly feel anything but the pain that those lunatics had put him through. _Experiments_ , they called it but wouldn't say what they were trying to find out and up to this point, Kurt had no clue as to what experiments they were conducting anyway, let alone what they tried to achieve except causing him pain beyond belief. Then again, if he would not pass out from the pain, they would drug him so viciously that he would not be able to tell anyway.

At least he knew now that he and Vic weren't the only captives in this facility. He had seen more rows of cages filled with frightened young mutants just like them in passing as he had been dragged through endless corridors that all looked the same to him, his feet being dragged uselessly over the cold metal plates that were covering the ground and most of the walls of the laboratories, as it appeared. Most of them seemed burdened with mutations like him and Victor’s, visible to the naked eye, impossible to hide.

So, this, at least, gave him the impression that those people caught mainly non-passing, visible, mutants for their experiments, preferably young and inexperienced so that they would be less in control of their powers and thus perhaps less of a threat for the scientists. But why? Kurt remembered his very first encounter with _the Purifiers_ all too vividly. Back then, their goal had been to lynch him to send a very clear message to the mutant and non-mutant population alike. They had wanted to declare war on them but in the end, they had, apparently, at least somewhat changed their original plans on showing the non-mutant population that it as completely okay to target mutants like Kurt. But, going by the assumption that he was indeed a captive of the Purifiers once more, this couldn't be their goal now, could it? But what then? They were feeding them an awful lot of drugs, as far as Kurt could tell, and caused them immense pain and stress whenever they did not listen and comply with their orders.

And the orders themselves? Well, they were simple, for the most part. So simple that it was frightening to Kurt. Sit, stand, walk, sleep, eat, drink, speak, be quiet, follow, stay back, lay down. _Kill_ . Weapons. They were trying to make weapons out of them. But to what end? Power. Fear. Destruction. Chaos. _Hate_.

It was hard to gather the information that he needed when no one would really speak to him except for barking orders at his face. He felt drowsy, most of the time. His suit they had taken as they brought him and Victor to this facility. He had woken up already dressed in this white uniform that looked a lot like a set of hospital pajamas. So, he had no manner of communication left with his team and he rather tried not to imagine what they were doing with his equipment. He had tried to reach the Professor, of course, but to no avail. If he had heard him, there had been no response.

Surely, the Professor would try to find him through Cerebro, right? Peter wouldn't rest until he would have found him either, despite their stupid fight before all of this happened. Peter would not rest.

This thought was now the only one keeping him going. He didn't know where this facility was or why the Professor couldn't reach him, he didn't even know how long he had been here already. There were no windows, no matter to tell how much time had passed. The only thing in this room with him was a frightened eleven-year-old boy. And despite the drugs those people would feed them to keep them calm, they were hardly allowed to sleep. Every time Kurt closed his eyes and fell asleep some of the guards would barge in and shake him awake with loud noise violently. Sleep deprivation was just as gruesome as physical torture … And it started to grind on his nerves.

※※※※※※※

The situation was surreal to Peter. Yes, surreal seemed to be the right word to him. Of the things he had been certain to experience in his life, sitting on the hood of Scott's old car (or rather Alex's old car) in a dimly lit garage with Raven, the mother of his boyfriend, had not been one of those things or even close to be on the list. Yet, that was exactly what was going on, even though it was itching Peter to take the next best car, which was usually Scott’s, and try to find his babe.

»I was young as I had Kurt, you know? Much younger than any of you now as we became X-Men for the first time, a ragtag group of young mutants in their late teens and early twenties. I didn't know much about the world and my naiveté knew no boundaries. Back in the day, feeling comfortable in my own skin was something I couldn't even imagine and I looked for affirmation that I was okay the way I was _everywhere_. At first glance, I was sure to have found that person in Hank because he was different, but he was young and dumb himself - incredibly stupid for a genius, even. Since he felt so uncomfortable with his own mutation himself, he really was not much of a help for a young girl like me. Maybe it would have worked out between us if things had taken a different turn. But it was actually your father who helped me in this regard. Erik always hated it when I hid my true face from him or anyone else.« As she led her disguise falter for a moment so that her right hand turned a pure indigo blue, just like Kurt’s fur, her gaze fell down on her hand and she watched the change as if she was seeing it for the first time. Maybe, Peter would care under different circumstances, now, however, he only let out a dry snort.

»So, when do we get to the part where you tell me why you abandoned your child? I'm sorry, _Mystique_ , I'm sure that this little love story between you and my father is quite the story to tell, but I find it hard to feign interest in this particular part of your story.« He felt his right leg bumping up and down so fast by now that it would probably leave marks on the paint of the car. Usually, Kurt would be the person to put his hand on Peter's knee to keep his leg still when he did this. Then again, Kurt was just as twitchy as he was.

»For once, there never was any kind of love story between me and your father, Peter. Don't worry. We were friends and that was it. But Erik showed me how to love and accept myself the way I truly was, that I was beautiful not despite the way I looked but _because_ of the way I looked, unlike Charles who was much more of an immature idiot than you could ever imagine back then. As Erik called for us to join him, I saw an opportunity for me and a new chance in life. I was done hiding and I was no longer Charles’ pet which he could hide whenever he chose to. Maybe I betrayed Charles, whom I called my brother for the longest time then, and in the end, the only thing we achieved from all of this was the deaths of most of our group and that your dad got into all that JFK-chaos which landed him in jail and threw our group, now without a head, into complete chaos.«

»I'm sure that this is all very interesting, but-«

Raven was just as skilled in cutting him off than it was the other way around as she flashed him a gloomy look now for his insolent little comment. »I didn't _plan_ on falling for someone like Azazel, _if_ there is a way to plan for something like that anyway, although I have to admit that he had his charm.« There was a tiny smirk ghosting over her lips as she turned her eyes away from peter now and looked back down on her hands. They were now both blue while she kept the rest of her disguise in place. For a moment, she seemed contempt with the memories she was revisiting and Peter grew aware that despite Raven’s youthful looks, she was probably his mother’s age by now and had had quite the eventful life behind her. »Well, now I can't even truly say if I ever fell for him at all or if it was the thrill of the situation that made me think I was in love. Before Azazel, I only ever felt like this when I first met your father or Hank or even Charles at times. _Attraction_ , more than love, perhaps. Chemicals in the brain. Back then, however, young and stupid as I was, I saw nothing wrong in my short-lived relationship with someone like him. It doesn't matter, I guess. I lost track of Azazel after your father landed himself in jail. I didn't even know that I was already pregnant with his child.

It wasn't all lies, you know? I truly wanted a fresh start after all of this happened, after the Brotherhood fell apart. Of course, the thought occurred to me that my child might have a visible mutation as mine or Azazel’s, maybe I hoped him to be a shapeshifter just like me, but as I met my future husband in the early stages of my pregnancy, I did not even think that it would be a problem. You know, most mutants with visible mutations are born completely normal and only later in life develop their mutation that sets them apart. That was the case with me too. I was completely normal until I wasn't anymore. I was sure that, by the time his mutation would start to show, we would be far away or he would be able to use it to his advantage. As I said, I was naive. So, I left for Austria and made my husband believe that the baby was his. It wasn't much of a problem, honestly. I wanted nothing more than a peaceful life at that point and no fights anymore. No more saving the world or mutantkind. But then Kurt was born, the first ever mutant child born as a visible mutant, and I was outed.«

Again a small faint smirk appeared on her face and Peter knew this expression way too well. He did not know much about Raven’s life and maybe that was because he had always been too selfish even as Raven had still been their beloved, although stern, mentor. But that Kurt of all mutants, had to be born like this, seemed to fit in quite well in Raven’s life up until that point.

»I abandoned him in a fit of panic. I will not lie. I was chased by the bloodhounds of my lovely husband as he found out and decided that he wanted the demoness and her demon baby dead. It's true what I told you before, it was an accident but it didn't play out like I told you. I tripped and fell and Kurt flew out of my arms but he did not land in the river. I could have saved him. That's the truth. I could very well have saved my boy, but I chose to save my own skin and that was a mistake. I never forgave myself. I hid from the hounds and the men chasing after me. It was my husband who found Kurt and threw him in the river like a pair of dirty old socks. I never expected to be a mother but as I saw his little body sear through the air like this, it shattered me into thousands upon thousands of little pieces. All those years I was sure that he had died right then and there. How could he have survived such a thing anyway? To this day I don't have an answer to that question.

Maybe it was Azazel after all. I never got the chance to tell him about Kurt. He died not too long after all of this took place, as I later found out. After that, I spent years trying to save as many mutants as I could to make up for the one baby boy I couldn't save. That was how I found him in that cage fight. Caliban told me about a blue-skinned demon looking mutant boy who was paraded around by a group of criminals in East Germany like a curiosity from a freak show. I tracked him down easily, not even thinking that it might be him because in my head there was no room for hope at that point. It had been years, sixteen years, after all. I will never forget his terrified face in that cage or his scream as he was thrown in the river. I didn't even think straight as I decided to get him. I didn't care for Angel at that point. As I saw him, I knew that he was my boy.«

Peter was silent for a while, but then he took a deep sigh and brushed his hand through his silver hair. »I'm not heartless, you know?« He breathed although for a moment he felt like that was exactly what he was.

»I'm aware. You try to protect him and you know how it feels being hurt and abandoned by your own mother.« A part of him wanted to throw back a snarky comment but it got stuck in his throat. »Maybe before you run off to save the day and my boy, you go and try to talk to your mother.«

Raven’s words truly hit him by surprise. This really was the last he had expected to hear from her. He was about to ask her what she meant, as she looked him straight in the eyes, for the first time in years, as it seemed.

»Let me tell you something I've learned from being a  mother, despite the fact that he did not grow up with me. The worst thing in a mother's life is to get the news of your child's death, but it's even worse when you did not have the chance to talk or reconcile with your child before that kind of tragedy strikes. Our job, _your_ job, is a dangerous one. Even if your mother does not want to talk to you, at least give her the chance.«

Peter left shortly after that and it still did not feel any less weird as he did, his conversation with Raven still freshly ingrained in his mind. A part of him wanted to just brush Raven’s advice off as he tended to in the past, but in the end, he found himself in front of his mother's house, despite every bit of doubt that he had felt as he first got into Scott's car to leave. He had told himself that there was no time for being so sentimental and that he should concentrate on Kurt and to find him, more importantly, but in the end, the car had brought him right here nonetheless. He told himself that he was not here for his mother's sake, but his own peace of mind - whatever that meant. If he would die looking for Kurt, at least then he would know that he had no unfinished business left.

It was almost ridiculous how completely normal the house looked now that he was sitting in the car in front of it. The house looked as if nothing happened and as if the world was still completely normal and fine. The facade seemed freshly painted even and his mother finally got her white picket fence in front of it. It all was as if Kurt was not … gone. He beat his fists against the steering wheel. No, that was clearly the wrong word. He was not _gone_ , he was just missing, lost - and Peter would find him. He would not accept that his last interaction with Kurt had been this stupid fight about this stupid girl. It wasn't Stacy’s fault. It wasn't his fault either. Well … but whose fault was it then?

Had Stacy overstepped boundaries? Clearly. Had he caused her to get her hopes up? Maybe. Had he overstepped boundaries? If so, he had not done it on purpose. Had he spent too much time with her? More than with his other students? No. Again he beat his fists against the steering wheel. _Yes_. Yes, he had but his attention had been born out of good intentions. He had saved that girl, he had felt responsible for her. He had seen how she was struggling to adapt to this school with a powerset as hers and so many jealous teenage girls around her throwing shade at her if she would look at their boyfriends the wrong way. He had thought that she would need someone to talk to. A friend. He had thought that it was completely normal for Stacy to feel attached to him like this.

Still, it wasn't right.

He had fucked up. Completely fucked up. He had fought with Kurt, badly. And now Kurt was gone - missing, lost - and he sat in Scott’s old car in front of his old home, trying to scoop up the courage to go inside which he did not have.

His eyes were burning with unshed tears as he leaned his forehead against the leather of the steering wheel to take another deep breath. He thought about his first visit to Germany with Kurt. Hell, the elf had been terrified back then, yet, he had dealt with the situation like a pro. He had gone to his family and Father Michael and he had told them the truth and he had given Peter a new family with all that courage. The least he could do was to go in there now and talk to his mother.

Before he could falter again, he left the car and stepped forward. For a second, he was sure he had seen a pale face behind one of the windows on the first floor. Wanda. His sister was barely an adult yet and whenever they could they would meet, talk, spend time together. Her powers had awoken only six months ago, yet, against Peter’s suggestion, Wanda did not join the Institute. She had visited once or twice, to get a glimpse of the world her big brother was living in ever since he had left on that fateful day as the school blew up so gloriously, but apparently, this world was not for her and he could not force her either. Wanda had always had her own will and was just as stubborn as he was. In her mind, if Peter had been able to deal with his powers on his own, then so could she. They were quite alike in this regard but unlike her big brother, Wanda was a lot smarter than to waste her potential in committing petty theft just out of boredom. He probably did not need to worry too much about the path she was taking. Wanda was clever enough to seek help when she needed help.

Maybe he could learn one or two things from his sister.

He drove his right hand over his face and pinched the bridge of his nose shortly before he straightened his shoulders, raised his chin and started his march to the front door and yes, it felt every bit like a march to war as he did. He had not spoken to his mother in years. He had tried. That was the blunt truth. He had tried after he and Kurt came home from their first visit to Germany. After seeing Kurt with his family and after experiencing so much unconditional love and support, Peter had been blinded by it and sure that, after that long a time, his mother would finally accept him with open arms too. He had been sure that she would say that she had missed him and that she had made mistakes, instead, she had just hung up on him as he had called her. His letters came back unopened.

Well, the worst she could do was to slam the door in his face, he guessed as he stepped up the front porch and knocked at the sturdy door. The old doormat had been exchanged. Every trace of his previous existence erased with the burn marks his shoes had left in the past. But Peter decided that even if she would slam the door in his face, he would get in and she would listen to him because he had no time to be pushed around by his mother any longer. He was too old for that shit anyway.

As the door opened it came as he had always thought it would when he would face his mom again. Had she been surprised by his sudden and unannounced visit, she was damn good in concealing that as she just stared straight through him and closed the door even before he could call out to her. Peter was in through the back door before his mother could even turn around and walk back to the kitchen.

As his mother reached the kitchen, Peter already leaned with his back against the sink. »You know what, Mom? I hated you when I was younger. I hated you and I loved you - because you are my mother, after all.« She stopped in her tracks and her face clearly showed a moment of uncertainty. Was she really considering whether she could keep continue ignoring him or not? Apparently so because the next moment, she just stepped to the fridge and opened it as if Peter wasn't even there. Luckily for Peter, this behavior of his mother was hardly new. »Yeah I know, Mom, you always ignored the things you don't like, right?« He sighed. »But I don't care. You will listen to what I have to say whether you like it or not.« And apparently, she did not like it because his mother just continued her business in the kitchen as if he was not even there. Not that it would be very surprising anyway.

That was, after all, how his mother had chosen to deal with every situation she could not control or did not like. Had he misbehaved in her eyes, she had only kissed Wanda goodnight, but not him. Withdrawal of love and attention had been her favorite method of punishment.

»You know, Mom, I get that you are angry that I’m gay - and yes, I still am and yes, I still say it as it is. I get it. I truly do, but I am still your son and the way you treated me is disgusting. Then again I was an idiot for expecting anything else from you as I chose to tell you the truth.« He felt a smirk ghosting over his face. »Hell, I think I knew that you would react like this, you know? I think I always knew that I could not expect something but hate from you because let's be honest here, you were never a mother to me anyway, right? I never had a childhood because of you. You are the most selfish woman I have ever known and that's saying something.«

He watched how his mother was opening the dishwasher and started taking out the freshly cleaned dishes to put them back in the cupboard, a small tune leaving her lips as she did as if she could drown out Peter’s voice like this.

»You know … Kurt's mom, she abandoned her son right after he was born and he was raised by strangers in a circus. She lied to him ever since they met and when she finally came out with the truth, she left again and yet - and yet - she is more compassionate for her son than you ever were. Despite all her mistakes, she is at least trying to gain forgiveness. She still loves him and regrets never looking for him. But you? I doubt that you regret anything, right? You live in your little ivory tower behind your brand new white picket fence with your perfect husband and your daughter and you just erased me from your life as if I was never part of it. And still, I am not surprised because that's what you always did. You've chosen men over me ever since I was old enough to understand. And I tried - hell, I tried - to be enough for you, to make you happy, to put a smile on your face when those assholes left you heartbroken and in shambles again and again and again. When you were too drunk or depressed to take care of me and Wanda, I took care of her. I changed her diapers, I fed her, I sang her to sleep, I helped her with her homework, I looked under her bed for monsters, I got her to the doctors when she needed it, and I put the food on the table when you lost your job again and gave your money to the liquor store instead. That's the truth that you much rather want to forget. And for the longest time, I was sure that you felt guilty and that this was the reason why you acted as if none of that ever happened. You felt guilty because you failed as a mother - but then you forsake me and I couldn't act like this anymore because even if you felt guilty and swept everything under the rug because of that, it would never explain or excuse this.«

Despite everything, he was still naive, he figured. He had thought that, would he openly tell his mother how he felt, there would at least be a reaction, at least the impulse to defend her honor as a mother. But nothing ever came from her. She just continued cleaning the kitchen, humming even louder s she kept unloading the dishwasher.

»I guess some things never change, huh.« He chuckled as he grabbed the edge of the sink harder. »You hummed that song as long as I can remember. You hummed it while cleaning or cooking - _when_ you cooked - or when you dressed my wounds after your latest boy toy beat the living crap out of me. I went through so much shit for you. I started stealing for you because you were too drunk and broken to work - and what did I get in return? A beating when the cops would bring me home. That's all I ever got from you. And still, I tried. I still do. You know why I'm here? Because I thought, I don't want the last time my mom ever saw me was when she screamed at me and threw insults at me and the person I love the most in this world. But I see that my efforts are fruitless. You simply don't care and I start to believe that you never cared in the first place. I were an inconvenience for you from the start and you made me think that this was all I was ever going to be, but I found a new family, people that love me regardless. I guess that's worth more than this right here.«

Had he expected at least a word from his mother as he left her kitchen? Yes. That was the sad truth in all of this. Despite everything, despite all those years, despite growing up with that woman, despite knowing her, still, he had expected something - _anything_. At least a word. Of course, he did not get even that as he stepped outside of the kitchen where he heard his mother putting away the cutlery now and into the hallway. Almost instantly he caught a glimpse of his sister on the landing above. First, he was not quite sure what to think. Had she heard the conversation? Then a smile ghosted over her face and Peter just walked up the stairs. They creaked under every of his steps like he remembered it from his childhood. During his childhood, the entire house had been creaking all the time and gave it a sense of occupation even in the night. Odd. He would have thought that Tom would have fixed that by now.

Apparently, the fix that Tom had promised to be for this family and this house, was only superficial, only on the facade. How stable was this new perfect family his mother had crafted for herself really? Would it survive a storm?

He followed Wanda into her room, past the guest bedroom he had stayed in years ago on Thanksgiving. Wanda’s room was right next to it and at the end of the hallway their mother's bedroom. The door stood ajar and a part of Peter felt tempted to go inside as he had done as a child from time to time, whenever he wanted to feel close to her. He remembered the soft lavender fragrance that had always been coming from those little pouches in her closet. As a child, he had loved that smell.

As he stepped into Wanda’s room, it was as if nothing had ever changed, as if he had never left the house to go away and be an adult. The same posters adorned the walls, her old stuffed bear was still sitting on her chest of drawers underneath the window that led outside to the street where Scott’s old car was standing, to watch over her. Peter actually got this bear for her when he was ten and out on a carnival on his own. Of course, his mother had not known about his little adventure. She had promised them that they would all go together, but then Wanda had been sick and cranky and their mother had lost all patience for dealing with two needy kids. As he closed the door of Wanda’s room with the additional weight of a dozen of dresses hanging on the door, Wanda just sat down on her bed and kneaded her fingers thoughtfully before she brushed a strand of her brown hair back over her left shoulder.

»So … You talked to Mom, huh? I guess, she is still a bitch.« Leave it to Wanda Maximoff to always cut straight to the chase. His sister had never been the person to dress nasty truths up nicely in any way. He was, actually, quite proud of what kind of a woman his sister became. Wanda was strong and she did not bow down to anyone. She could handle herself. Soon she would start college and although he would much rather have her at the Institute, maybe it was better to let her follow her own path in life.

»You tell me, I know you _eavesdropped_ on us - or _me_ , rather.« Peter smirked as he took a small tour through his sister's room. Anything to not sit down and have his body unoccupied. She had always hated it when he had done so in the past, mainly because Peter had this habit of needing to touch everything. Now, however, she did not say a thing about it and just smirked at him from the bed.

»You very well know that I can't always control that.« A weak apology at best, but knowing Wanda, Peter was well aware that she did not really mean it as an apology, at least not in this case. He was not even angry. That was, probably, Jean’s influence. When one of your best friends is a telepath, one started to get used to not keeping anything a secret.

»Yeah - but in this case you did.« He breathed quietly as he grabbed the teddy from her chest of drawers just to examine it as if he had never seen it and put it back down again. Teddy had been Wanda’s most treasured item ever since he had gotten it for her. Being a big brother sometimes came with its perks, he guessed. He had loved it when Wanda had looked up to him as if he was a hero in her eyes.

»True.« She fell silent again and as Peter turned around he saw how she was looking down on her knees and worrying her bottom lip between her pearly white teeth as if trying to find the right words.

»You don't need to be sorry or feel guilty.«

But Wanda would not be Wanda would she not try to brush his remark off just like this. »I don't know what you mean.«

»Yeah?« He smirked strolling over to her vanity. He remembered how they found this old thing on a garage sale, he and his mother. His mother had been adamant to buy it even though their budget had been running thin already. For her little girl, she would have moved mountains if necessary and Peter had helped her carry the bloody thing three blocks back home just to put a smile on his sister’s face. »I might not be a telepath, but I do know that look on your face. You heard what I told mom and you know what I did in the past for this family - for you. You don't need to feel guilty about that. I did all this because I love you. I'm your big brother, of course I care for you. And stealing … Well, it has always been my guilty pleasure. I still steal pencils and chalk from my friends just to annoy them - Kurt is usually the one who brings all that crap back and later lectures me about it.« The little smile that appeared on Wanda’s face was enough pay off for this little joke. »The only person who needs to feel guilty is mom.«

»But sadly she doesn't and since she does not think she is at fault for anything, I guess I could carry that.«

»Wanda-«

»No, please. Let me do something for you in return for once, Pietro.« Her brown eyes were pleading now as she looked at him again. »Let me help you find Kurt.«

 

**\- End of Chapter 4 -**


	5. Chapter 5

For the first time since he got here - wherever _here_ was - one of the guards who was pulling him through the never-ending hallways let out a frustrated groan. »Will you ever be quiet?« He didn't know it yet, but this exasperated groan was the little win Kurt had been hoping to achieve for the last couple of days. At least it felt like it was days. Of course, it might just as well have been weeks already. Finally, one of the guards cracked from Kurt's constant rambling and singing. He had chosen to be loud and chaotic as his only manner of defense. He could not teleport, he could not fight, but he had his mouth. »Or do you want me to sew your mouth shut? We could arrange that, you know?«

Instead of answering, Kurt kept singing _Frère Jaques_ all along the way back to his cage as if his life would depend on it - or at least that was what he wanted the guard to believe while he tried to get more glimpses of the facility he was kept in. By now, he had managed to at least get a general feel of the place he was in. The laboratory, to where he would be brought on a regular basis now, was one level up from where he was kept. So, he assumed all captured mutants were kept on the same floor. He had been taken by elevator up to the laboratory and judging by the panel inside the elevator he knew now that there was one level below the prison level and at least one above the laboratory. It was still impossible to say, however, how big the facility really was or how deep below ground. There was the possibility that there were other elevators that would lead even further below or higher up. And, yes, the feeling that they were being kept below ground still held strong in Kurt. In addition to that, he could not even say what was above this facility. A military base, perhaps? Something else?

He could not help but think back to his very first adventure with the people that would later become the X-Men with him. His first day at Xavier’s School could not possibly have gotten more wrong, he assumed as he had been forced to teleport into a helicopter and landed himself in a military base run by none other than Sergeant William Stryker. And he remembered that something inside the helicopter had kept him from being able to teleport out, just like the electrified cage in East Berlin. Were the same forces at work here too? Probably. And judging by the guards and their behaviorism, judging by the equipment, the weapons and the state the laboratories were kept in, not to mention the elevators and the holding areas, all of it screamed military.

The only difference was the uniforms those guards were wearing. No camouflage suits like he knew them from his past encounters with the military, instead all of them were wearing the same set of black pants that were overly adorned with various pockets for their equipment, strong leather belts to keep them in place, black leather combat boots that hurt like hell when being kicked with, heavy vests that matched the pants not only in color but amount of additional pockets, an olive green long sleeve shirt, a black undershirt, black leather gloves, a truncheon on the left side of their belts and a stun gun on the right side, always ready for use. Needless to say, all of them were carrying heavy guns.

When they came to pick him up to get him to the laboratory they always came in groups of three, two with machine guns and one only with a stun gun, truncheon and a pistol in his holster, so he could handle the prisoner more easily. When bringing him back, they seemed to think that one guy would suffice by now. They were right. At this point, Kurt could hardly walk straight. Would Peter be here, he would make a joke about it, something about ‘ _Hell, I’m so gay I can't even walk in a straight line_ ’. The thought almost brought a smile to his face. Maybe he could use this joke when the time for it came.

So, to come back to his conclusions, while he kept singing in the loudest voice possible after he had screamed his lungs out for what felt like the last two hours, those guards were not soldiers - or at least not anymore. They could have been in the military, judging by their mannerisms, but just as well they could be mercenaries. What they were now was all the more clear to him, however. They were the Purifiers, but not like the group he had dealt with all those years ago. Had this group been so big back in the day, then they had clearly sent their smallest and most unprofessional group to the school. This, right here, was a different caliber altogether and Kurt was highly aware that he would not get out of this situation by himself.

He needed help and that quick, but he could not wait for his team to find him.

Maybe, if he would be able to get to the other mutants…

»I get what you're doing, you know? You try to buy time until your X-Men find you. But let me tell you something, you freak, they aren't even searching for you. So scream and sing and yell all you want, you won't get out of here and they won't come to rescue you. Next time you’ll see them, you won't recognize them anymore. Next time you’ll see them, you’ll rip them apart. We’re not looking for a cure here, you know? _We_ make monsters.« The voice of the guard was falling flat by now. Maybe he was tired of Kurt’s shenanigans already.

Although he felt the impulse to stop, Kurt continued singing. This was part of his torture. He knew that it was. Of course, his friends were looking for him. They would not just let him hanging like this. Would they? Of course, they would not. Peter would not. Would he? Despite their stupid fight before he left, Peter would not leave him hanging like this. Despite everything, they loved one another. He could trust that Peter would come for him.

»We made sure that they think you’re dead, you know? Well, you did die.« The guard suddenly chuckled as they reached the hallway his cage was in. »And this is hell.«

※※※※※※※

There was only one person in this world that could at least pretend to stand Peter’s nervous pacing when he got agitated and this person was definitely not his sister Wanda. »Pete, it's really not a big deal, you know?« At least she tried to stay calm but her fingers drumming away the seconds on the mattress of her bed told a very different story as she sighed and drove them through her long hair just to keep them from doing just that.

That was the one thing they had always had in common. They both needed to move constantly, they both needed to busy their bodies. Bur for Peter it had always been less of a nervous tick as it was for Wanda and more the core part of his existence. Movement, running, as if pausing would mean the end of his very existence. No wonder the world and his life always went by in a flash, either too slow or too fast for him to work things out. The only time he started to pause and think was after he met Kurt. He knew that this was not entirely true, of course, that he had stopped and paused to look at his life before, but, it had been different all those times. In the beginning, life had been fun and adventurous, but when you are so much faster than everyone and everything around you, life will inevitably just hit you with boredom.

At some point, keeping still always got painful for him, as if his mind was trying to tear itself and his body apart all at once, as if ants were crawling under his skin, as if his engine would run so hot it threatened to explode and kill him. When he had started spending more time around Kurt, a boy who could keep still just as little as he, pausing had not felt this way any longer. With him, he could come to a halt and rest. In the beginning, the effect had died off as soon as they had parted ways and they both would have gone back to their overly active mannerisms, but somewhere along the lines, the effect started to grow and start to spread through their daily routine like a wave of calmness.

Now, however, there was no calmness. Nothing to keep him still anymore.

»No.« He breathed. »You are not trained for this kind of thing, Wanda. You still need to get used to your powers - I told you to come to the Institute. The Professor could have helped you. If you had come, maybe my answer would be yes, but not like this, Wanda. I'm sorry, but I won't take you along. It’s too dangerous. We don't know - I don't know - what lies ahead. Maybe I won't come out of this alive. I will not risk getting you hurt too. I'm not that guy anymore.«

They shared a look, but Peter was quick to break the moment as he rather glanced out of the window. He needed to get going. Before the others could track him down. He was not dumb enough to leave all manners of communication with his team behind, of course. Yes, this was, perhaps, a kamikaze mission, but he would still make sure he had the means to get into contact with them. He was not that stupid, really. And he had learned his lesson. But as long as he had those things with him, his team would be able to track him down and he could only go so fast with a car. He would run, but since he did not know where Kurt was, running was not an option anyway.

»Pete, come on. I am not that little girl anymore that you took with you to that haunted house, you know? I'm a grown woman now and I can handle myself. You don't need to be so protective. I promise you to stay out of harm's way if it ever comes to this.« She growled. »And wouldn't it be nice to have a telepath with you … Just in case?«

»You are more than just a telepath, Wanda - and that's the problem. Your powers are not stable!« Needless to say, he felt like a dick for saying this. Even though he was only saying that her powers were not stable, which was the truth, it sounded like he was saying _she_ was not stable.

»So what? You told me about the Apocalypse thing, remember? Your friends’ powers were not stable either when they fought against him! Yet you defeated him!« She was right of course, but he could not tell her that this was just because of Jean and that they would all have died had it not been for her.

»Wanda…«

»Please, Pietro! I can help you! I want to help you! And come on let's be honest … You have no clue where Kurt is anyway and you don't even know where to start looking for him. You guys already searched the scene - yes I did plug this from your brain, go figure - and you did not find any clue about Kurt's whereabouts! Maybe I can help! Maybe I can try to locate him!«

»Not even the Professor could - or Jean!«

»Sure thing, but they are not Wanda Maximoff, the one and only Scarlett Witch!« The way she looked at him now was almost endearing. She really tried to convince her big brother from her plan and Peter had a hard time not getting convinced by her dark brown puppy eyes. That was a problem he had. His sister had always been quite good in convincing him with a look like this. As he sighed in defeat he knew that it was a bad idea. He knew that he should not cave in and just walk off to drive through the country hoping to find clues.

But what clues?

He had already gone to the family of this boy and asked his parents everything they already told Kurt before. He knew everything there was to know about that kid. He knew how and why he decided to run away from home after his mutation started to kick in - hell, he even knew his favorite color and food but none of this would help him find either him or Kurt!

»You know what … Fine. Do it. Try to find him, although I doubt you can. I guess, there is no harm in trying.« He finally admitted and sat down next to his sister at last. Wanda was at least just as stubborn as he was and so he knew that she would not just give up only because he was telling her to. Giving up was against everything they stood for, he guessed. Had he given up as a child, maybe they would not be here now.

Wanda was not shy to grab his hands now that they sat side by side. »Take it as a thank you, okay?«

»You don't need to thank me for anything.« Was Peter’s immediate response that almost came out by reflex. Years and years of not accepting a thank you from his little sister in the past, he guessed. Well, Peter had never been one to gloat about the things he did. When he helped others he did it because he wanted to and not because he was hoping for something in return. Although it was the truth that he had sacrificed a lot of things for his sister in the past. Had there been a shortage of food, he had not eaten, had there been a shortage of money, he had stolen, had there been a violent man in their life, he had stood between him and Wanda.

»But I do, and you can't stop me.« Wanda smiled and squeezed his hands shortly before she closed her eyes and shook her shoulders as if she needed to get her muscles relaxed for some acrobatic move, before leaning her head back only slightly. »Okay, ready?«

»Sure thing.« Peter breathed and although he was sure that his sister would not be able to achieve what not even the Professor or Jean managed to do, a part of him was still hoping that she would do just that. Just because neither the Professor nor Jean managed to find Kurt, did not mean it could not be done, right? He knew how stupid this thought was. He knew that he was grasping for straws now, but … Wanda was his sister and he believed in his sister.

He watched how Wanda closed her eyes and cleared her throat before she concentrated at the task at hand, making deep lines appear on her smooth forehead. She had to put a lot of energy into this task, as Peter was very aware of from watching Jean day in and day out. But unlike Jean, Wanda was not very experienced or trained yet. Her powers were still raw.

Maybe that was the key.

There was nothing but silence after that for what felt like an eternity. Outside the world was turning and people were going about their own lives as if nothing was happening in the world they should be bothered about. They were probably right and sometimes Peter was envious of normal folks like them out there. They did not need to worry about their loved ones being taken away from them by some crazy militant cult. Well, maybe that was not entirely true - nor was it fair to think that way. He had chosen this life as an X-Man, he had chosen to live this life as an X-Man with his boyfriend, he had known from the start what he was getting into and that there always was the very real possibility of one of them not coming back alive one day.

Still, he refused to accept this. Maybe that was the real problem in all of this. He couldn't let go and because of that, he would probably endanger even more people he cared for - or at least himself. But Peter would not be Peter would he give up so easily. Whenever he had decided on something he never stopped until he achieved the thing. In this case finding Kurt.

He was just about to tell Wanda to stop, as, suddenly, there was something. First, it was only very faintly - so faint in fact that Peter was sure he had just imagined it - but then it happened again, with just slightly more of an effect resonating in his body like a wave of energy. A voice, a mumble, something in the darkness of his mind slowly creeping up on him. As he looked at his sister this time, there was a small smile ghosting over her face and then it hit him. _She had found him._

The thought, as quickly as it came, send cold shivers down his spine. In retrospect he would have expected his heart to beat faster and a feeling of warmth spreading through his chest, but instead, his chest suddenly felt tight and cold and his fingers clammy. He felt sick and the feeling only worsened as the voice got louder. The mumbling in his head only rose in volume for a moment and it was hard to even recognize the sound of the voice itself, yet Peter knew it was Kurt. He felt it. Maybe it was just stupid wishful thinking on his part because he _wanted_ it to be Kurt - but he could feel it and as the voice grew louder and even clearer, there was no doubt about it any longer.

He could hardly understand a thing that was said at first, but it was his voice, it was the melody of his speech, it was the up and down and the tempo he used to speak with and the sharp edges around every s- and th-sound he always made - not because of his accent, but because of his sharp fangs. It was Kurt.

And suddenly, as it got clearer with each second that Wanda focused on Kurt, there finally was a feeling of heat rushing through his system and his bones. His hands were still clammy though and there was really nothing he could do about that. Now he was not just frightened, but he was nervous. His sister, however, only grabbed his hands tighter and the warmth of her body spread into his hands.

»It's him.« He breathed. »It's really him. He’s alive.«

»Yes, he is.« Wanda smiled back at him before the lines on her forehead became deeper and deeper. »Wait. Let's see if we can get closer. Maybe we can find out where he is then.« Maybe Peter was too eager to have his sister try that. He wanted to hear Kurt's voice clearer, he wanted to hear him speak and know and feel that he was still out there, still alive, still in one piece and waiting for him somewhere where Peter could find him.

If Wanda would be able to get into his head, maybe he could even tell her where he was and who he was with - or at least what had happened to him in the first place. If he could at least tell Peter who his kidnappers were, maybe that would help him and his sister to figure out where he might be. Well, then again, Peter was highly aware of who had been behind all this. And how big could this group really be? How large was their base of operation? How many facilities had they collected under their belt? There was no way they had that much resources. There was no way they had so many facilities or bases. If they were still in the U.S., it would only be a matter of time until Wanda would be able to figure out just where they were hiding and for Peter to get there to get Kurt out of their clutches - and maybe just the other mutant children too.

Of course, he had not forgotten about those either.

No matter how much he loved Kurt or how much he worried about him, he was still an X-Man after all, still, someone who was supposed to save innocents and keep other mutants save whenever he could. Being an X-Men still came in first place for him - although he would love it to be different.

No, that was not even close to being true, though. It did not come in first place for him. Kurt did. That was the entire problem right now. Kurt was his number one priority and that was what made his life even more difficult in this very moment because his job was to care for other mutants that he might be able to rescue or protect in the first place.

Hell, even Scott had much more discipline in this regard. Would their places be swapped, would Scott act like he was acting now? Would he go after Jean the way Peter was trying to go after Kurt? Would he forget about his job? Would he try and find Jean like he did now? Would he try to turn over every stone in the country? Well, he probably would for a time, but at some point, he would have given up. Peter’s life, however, seemed too long to just give up.

His life seemed at least twice as long as everyone else's lives. The thought of that had never scared him as much as it scared him now.

» _...and then the whole thing exploded!_ « The voice was still faint in Peter's head, but now, it was clear without the shadow a doubt that it was Kurt - and his voice was even … cheerful? At least for a moment, it sounded that way to him. » _And the cookie dough clung to the ceiling. Hell, it was a disaster!_ « He _laughed_. He did. With whomever he was talking, it made him laugh. He was okay. Was he?

»Who's with him?« Peter probed further, but Wanda just shrugged her shoulders.

»I'm not sure. I don't know if I'm able to focus on the other person without losing him, you know?« Peter nodded. This was a risk not worth taking, he guessed and in the end, he did not really care for this other person anyway. If they were lucky, it was Victor who was with Kurt now. It would be totally like Kurt to try and cheer up a frightened kid in a situation as grim as this. If he would be able to, he would probably start juggling with something, but although he could not see him, Peter was very aware that his boyfriend probably did not possess the tools to juggle at the moment.

Not that this would stop him, he guessed.

If there was a chance, Kurt was probably doing some acrobatic tricks to cheer up his fellow prisoners. At least he would as long as he was not hurt - too much. »Why is he talking about cookie dough anyway?« Wanda suddenly smirked, but Peter felt how his heart was almost bursting with warmth. Exploding cookie dough. Yeah, that was one hell of a story.

»Because I made a mess with the standing mixer - I got impatient.« Peter smiled quietly as he lowered his eyes to the floor. »I turned it up high and the batter went totally nuts. When I turned it off, I knocked it back and the beaters were just flying everywhere, spilling cookie dough all over the kitchen. Kurt had to cling to the ceiling to get it all cleaned up. Funny thing is, it would have probably been faster had I just mixed the dough myself with a spoon.«

» _We needed hours to clean up the mess before everyone else would come back to the Institute. It was ridiculous and Peter - hell, he proceeded to fool around with that damned cookie dough. And I was freaking out because of the mess - and I promised that there would be a whole ton of cookies for the new students. I wanted to choke him. Instead of helping me clean, he proceeded to get the dough all over my fur!_ « Kurt laughed and the sound resonated with him as if he was sitting right beside him. »B _ut Peter never lost his good mood and when I was finally done cleaning, I was exhausted and could not even think about baking anymore. I already gave up on my promise, but five minutes before the new students would fill in the Institute, there he stood, with whole plates of cookies in his hands._ «

»I've almost forgotten about that…« Peter smirked. The incident had been shortly after New Year’s after Kurt had confessed to him that he was in fact in love with him too. They had still been in the very early stages of them dating and although baking cookies for the new students together could hardly be counted as a date, it had somewhat been a date anyway. A chaotic and catastrophic date. Oh hell, he had been nervous!

» _The idiot was so nervous. And I was so pissed until he told me that he behaved the way he did because he was nervous in my presence. And of course, I didn't get why - we have cooked and baked before, but Peter just said that it was not the same as before because he wanted to make a good impression. Needless to say that it was too late for that anyway, but it may or may not have warmed my heart for him just enough to give him a chance._ « He sounded so delighted in the memory of that particular day. He wished he could hear the other person that was with Kurt too, just to know why his boyfriend was telling this story in the first place. _»You see, everyone gets a chance in life - even in love. You just have to risk a thing or two.«_

As he looked at Wanda next, he saw a small bit of blood coming from her nose and although a part of him wanted to pull his hands away from her now and get her to stop, the more selfish side of him just wanted to keep listening. He wanted to hear Kurt's voice more, hear that he was still alright. The big brother inside of him, however, yelled that they should stop now, that Wanda was keeping the connection up because she felt guilty for all the sacrifices Peter had made for her.

» _Yes, at the school everyone is welcome.«_ Kurt continued after a pause. _»No one is ever shut out of there. We are all different in our own ways, Vic. And it's good like this. God did not create us to all be the same, you know?_ « There was a small pause once again before Kurt continued. » _The Professor is a very patient man._ « He then chuckled.

Wanda hissed and out of instinct, Peter clutched her hands tighter before suddenly the voice in his head broke off and Wanda took her hands from him to bury her face in her hands. »I'm sorry, Pietro.« She sighed as she began to massage her temples gingerly. »I wished I could have kept it up a little longer.«

»It's okay.« The words left his mouth out of sheer reflex while a part of him was mourning the loss of this moment already. He wanted to hear Kurt's voice. Just a little longer. Just a bit more. For once in his life, he wanted to be selfish. He wanted not to care about his sister or anyone else but him and Kurt. Only as Wanda looked at him now, he realized the tears that were burning in his eyes but instead of shedding them, he shook them off with a soft and hoarse little groan. »Thank you.« He breathed.

Wanda just smiled at him and laid her slim hand on his shoulder to press it quickly and reassuringly. Would she have been able to uphold the connection a little longer, she would have done so. »I think I found a location.«

****

**\- End of Chapter 5 -**


	6. Chapter 6

_Peter's head was resting in his lap as he turned the page of his book. A thriller that he just began reading but he had no clue what was going on in the story until now. The cause of that was not so much a convoluted storyline that did not make much sense so early in the book but mainly because of Peter and the amount of concentration that Kurt needed to gently scratch his head. He loved those lazy evenings with Peter on their bed. Rain was gently drumming against the windows of their little apartment in the teachers’ dorm and thunder was roaring faintly in the distance over a pitch black sky. Kurt had settled down to read right after dinner, Peter, however, came around later, straight from the gym. He had dropped his bag by the door and crawled into bed with him without any comment at all on his lips, only to curl up beside him and cushioned his head in Kurt's lap with a content little sigh._

_The feeling was familiar and utterly comfortable. Even though his hand was starting to feel numb from the constant motion of gently scratching Peter’s neck and head while holding his book with his tail and turning the pages with his free hand. They did not need words. He loved their conversations. He loved it when he and Peter would find a topic they could discuss for hours on end and the nights they had spent talking in their bed or sitting on the roof and watching the stars, were still a source of great happiness for him but he loved the quietude of evenings like this. He enjoyed the laziness of it all, the feeling of comfort and trust, of being vulnerable and being content in not saying a word at all._

_It was not often the case that Peter would come from the gym like that, utterly exhausted and tired and without a story to tell. It was not often the case that Peter would just crawl into bed with him like that to bury his head in his lap and enjoy just being close without saying anything after a busy school day. Peter always had stories to tell, especially after a day of work. It was evenings like this when Kurt knew that Peter's mind was occupied with something that was lingering on his mind a bit too heavy. Most of the times, these thoughts circled around his mother and the way she had sent him away. Even years after the fact this day was still a source of grief for Peter and it was evenings like this when Peter would get hit by the hurt the hardest. Whenever that happened, there was not much Kurt could do but scratch Peter’s head lovingly and just be there - and that was okay._

_There were nights when he would curl up beside Peter, shaken awake by some nightmare of the past only to find him wide awake, his brown eyes staring straight into his soul before he would wrap his arms around Kurt's own lean frame to pull him close and rest his chin on the crown of Kurt's messy head, not saying a word or making a sound. This was enough. Just being close was enough. They didn't need to talk about the demons in their heads. They both knew that they existed and they knew their names and that there was not much they could do. But being close always helped._

He jolted awake as electricity was burning through his entire body and the moment of comfort and solitude broke and was washed away like smoke in a storm. He could still feel the softness of Peter’s silver hair under the tips of his fingers, that tingling sensation that made his whole body convulse in agony. Wait. That was not right. His toes curled in pain and his limbs vibrated on the cold surface underneath his back as he was pressing against the hard surface unable to control what was happening but feeling the shackles that were binding him and holding him down. He ripped open his eyes but all they did was to roll back into his head and only after a second or two of this, he noticed the rubber thing he was biting down on so hard that he was sure he would break off his sharp teeth.

Suddenly, the vibrating stopped and his muscles relaxed against the metal in his back. He knew where he was. He was sure that he knew. He knew that feeling. Did he? Suddenly he felt unsure. He was home with Peter, wasn't he? Peter’s head in his lap … Right?

He could hear someone moan - but it was far from being blissful or passionate. It sounded like a hurt animal, struck with complete and utter anguish. It took him a moment to realize that it was he who made the sound and even longer to realize the wetness on his face. Was it blood? Water? He could not say it.

»Now, once again: What other interesting mutant talents do you possess?« There was a voice somewhere in the space around him. It was not Peter's voice but he felt like he knew it. He felt like he had heard the question before. Hell, he couldn't even see what was around him clearly. He saw white and that was it. White, white, white. Snow? Perhaps. He felt reminded of the fields of snow in Bavaria during the long and harsh winters that sometimes hit Germany ever so often. He had been freezing in his caravan at night … Or maybe it was paper?

»Well, if you rub my belly, my leg wiggles uncontrollably.« There was another voice speaking now and this sounded even more familiar with a strong accent that Kurt could not even pinpoint now. Sharp around the edges, especially around the  _th_ and _s-_ sounds. He felt like he should know whose voice it was. It wasn't Peter's voice. But then again … What did Peter's voice sound like? He forgot. He should know, shouldn't he? But … he should know … _what_?

Someone screamed the next time he felt his body vibrating and electricity streaming through his veins. Someone screamed right next to him and very loudly so. Whoever it was - he seemed to be in a lot of pain. Poor guy. This time there was nothing to bite down on, but he could taste metal in his mouth as the burning sensation in his flesh stopped as suddenly as it came once again.

» _V_ _ater Unser im Himmel._ « There was this voice from before speaking again. Was it the same guy who had screamed before? His voice sounded hoarse. For a moment, Kurt was not sure if he understood the language this man was talking in. » _Geheiligt werde Dein Name. Dein Reich komme. Dein Wille geschehe, wie im Himmel, so auf Erden-_ «

The world started to shift back into place as the sudden blow that was delivered to the side of his face pushed him off of his bed and out of the comfort of Peter’s embrace and the solitude of their home. As he landed on the cold hard ground beneath, he needed a moment to catch his breath but he hardly got the chance as there was another hit delivered to his now exposed back. But the stranger’s voice was still talking and that only seemed to infuriate his attackers more and more. » _Unser tägliches Brot gib uns heute. Und vergib uns-_ « Kurt screamed in pain as the next hit ripped open the old wounds on his back and made his body burn up from the inside. Why wouldn't he just shut up? Why wouldn't he stop talking? » _Vergib uns unsere Schuld, wie auch wir vergeben unseren Schuldigern. Und führe uns nicht in Versuchung-_ «

»You don't pray!« Every word that was yelled at him was accompanied by one more hit across his back that caused searing hot pain to shoot through his entire being. But he wasn't praying! He didn't even know a single prayer! It was not him who wouldn't stop talking!

» _Sondern erlöse uns von dem Bösen!_ « The strange man’s voice only grew louder and hoarser with each word that he pressed out of his mouth as if he was speaking through Kurt’s bloodied lips. He almost choked on every word as Kurt choked on the blood in his mouth. » _Denn Dein ist das Reich und die Kraft und die Herrlichkeit in Ewigkeit. Amen._ «

※※※※※※※

The road was flying past the window of Scott’s car way too fast but not nearly fast enough. Peter was still far from being sure about this whole thing as he shot a scrutinizing look at the map in Wanda’s lap. »Canada. I mean … Really? Why the hell Canada?« Wanda huffed something that sounded a bit like laughter.

»Probably because no one in their right mind would ever assume a group of criminals to hide in Canada.« Wanda offered with a smile before she tugged on her dark red leather jacket. A present from her awesome big brother for her last birthday.

»I would be much faster alone, you know?« It wasn't so much the speed or the distance that was really bothering Peter as he was gunning the engine and slamming his foot down on the gas. He would be fine with all of that. The real problem was his co-pilot. Wanda had promised him to stay behind as soon as they would enter enemy territory but knowing his little sister, Peter was aware that this was not going to happen. Was he getting his little sister in danger only to save his boyfriend? Shouldn't he have forced her to stay home instead of allowing her to tag along? Probably. However, his sister was not really the type to follow orders. Not his, not their mother’s, not anyone’s. And that was what made her powers so unpredictable and dangerous in his eyes.

One the same instant, he was glad to have her with him now. He had someone to talk to, someone who could ease his mind so that he would get there safely. Plus, they still did not have perfect coordinates. They needed to get closer. All they knew was British Columbia, Canada. That was it.

»You would, but how do you suppose to flee from this base with Kurt and those other children without a car or at least someone out there who could call for backup because I guarantee you that you will need backup on this.« Wanda turned to him again with her thin eyebrows scrunched up just slightly enough to make sure he would notice and feel dumb for not thinking about it. Of course, she had a point. He knew that he would need backup.

»If I need backup, I will call for it myself.« He brushed his sister’s concern off like this before throwing her another dark look. »But Wanda, _you_ will not go in there with me. Are we clear?« There was not much of a response from his sister, for now, just a deep frown on her face. Under different circumstances, Peter would pull over and stop the car, but every minute was of value now. »Wanda.« He tried to get her attention again. »Are we clear?«

She sighed and threw him an annoyed look. »Yes, we are, _Pietro_.« She frowned but closed her eyes right afterward. They were close to the Canadian border now. They were driving for four hours already and his body screamed for a break. He knew that it was not possible to drive to British Columbia without taking a rest but he tried to avoid it as much as possible. His eyes were already itching from the darkness that was starting to fall around them.

After Wanda had told him the rough location, they had just sprung into action, with Wanda taking the bare necessities with her and jumped in the car. Their mother had not even asked where Wanda was going with her brother. She didn't care anyway and the siblings both knew this. Just a few miles were between them and the border now and yet Peter did not feel any closer to being reunited with Kurt.

»We could arrive in Ottawa at nightfall.« He mumbled if only to busy himself as he was clutching the steering wheel harder. With the blackbird, he would already be there but that would force him to talk to his teammates and since they did not listen to him and probably thought that he was desperate and reaching he couldn't bring himself to contact them now. He would come back with Kurt and those children and they would realize that he had been right all along. »We could rent a motel room for the night and continue the tour at sunrise, I guess. We should make it to Thunder Bay until tomorrow night at least, maybe even to Winnipeg.«

»I’ll try to tap in with those guards I found before. Maybe I can get a more precise location.« Wanda promised as she grabbed her brother’s hand that was now resting on the stick between them. »You’ll see, everything is going to be alright.«

※※※※※※※

» _Vergib uns…_ « There was a voice talking again. Was it his voice? He hardly recognized it anymore. It sounded hoarse and broken and quiet. » _Vergib uns unsere Schuld…_ «

»Kurt!« There was another voice, louder this time and more high-pitched - almost like a child in panic. Odd. But Kurt felt like he should know whose voice that was and he felt like that person had called out to him before.

» _Vergib uns-_ «

»Kurt! Come on, man!« As he opened his eyes something had changed. First of all, there was this blindingly bright light overhead. Second of all, something inside the hall they were kept in had changed drastically. He could feel the change lingering in the air as if there was something breathing beside them that didn't belong. All he found after his eyes got used to the brightness, however, was Victor’s face hovering uncomfortably close on the other side of the iron bars of his cage. The child clung to the bars, leaning closer towards Kurt’s cage as he did and all he could think of was to warn the boy of the current running through the bars.

»Vic?« He mumbled as he drove a hand over his face. His body felt aflame and cold at the same time now as he was lying on his side on the concrete floor, naked except for his pants. As he removed the hand from his face the light was still agonizingly bright in his eyes and he needed to blink rapidly before the world around him started to take shape again. The cages were still there, still intact and Victor's face was still riddled with worry and fear.

»You scared me!« Victor suddenly shot at him and his brown eyes seemed to water but since the world was still blurry Kurt might just imagine that. »I thought you were going to die!«

»Don't worry, Buddy.« Kurt smirked and tried not to make a grimace as he tried to sit up. »I’m not dying here and neither will you or any of the others. The other X-Men will rescue us.«

»But what if they won't?« Victor’s voice was clearly shaking now and the panic was apparent in the boy’s face as well. It almost broke Kurt’s heart seeing the boy like this. He had always hated it to see children scared but especially now since he became a teacher. He felt responsible. He needed to do something.

»Then we do it ourselves.« Kurt grinned and shot his cell-buddy a little wink. He was relieved to see that Victor's face lit up at that, at last, a little - enough to tell Kurt that his approach was the right one. He could not stop these assholes from getting Victor and inflicting pain on the child through their sick experiments, but he could at least try to make it more bearable. In the beginning, he had been sure that the guards would go a little more easy on Victor because of his age but he had been quick to realize that this was not the case.

»Why are they doing this to us?« Victor finally asked quietly. The question had been bound to come sooner or later, of course, yet it startled him and made him pause for a moment. What should he tell this kid? There really was no right answer, he guessed. »Are they evil?« It would be so easy to say yes and yet it was not what Kurt believed in.

»I don't believe in good or evil, Vic.« He sighed and a short snort left his lips. »Which is funny considering my faith, I guess. I don't believe that people are born evil or do bad things because they are purely evil. I think most people who do evil things are insane for the most part. Something in their brains does not work right, you know? They don't have empathy for other people, maybe.« He was aware of the strange way Victor stared at him and that prompted Kurt to brush his hand through his messy dirty hair.

»Look, Vic« He started anew. »It would be easy for me to lie to you and give you a decent reason of why they are doing this to us, but I can't. I don't know what they want or why they do this. They see us as monsters. That is all what we are to them: Monsters. And they believe whatever they do to us is justified because we are monsters, because we look different, because we are not human. I wished I could tell you something else, Vic, but I don't think it would be fair to lie to you. I’ll admit, our situation does look grim, but I still believe that my teammates are going to find us and even if they don't, it's just a matter of time until we find a way to get out by ourselves. This is not the first cage I escape from.«

»But how?« Victor gasped and his green hands closed around the bars again. Kurt smiled. The boy was terrified and he had every right to be so. He thought back to the first time he had been locked in a cage like this and how he had been sure he would die and never see his family again.

»Well« He started and leaned closer to  his own bars. He could hear the current humming through them. »That is what we have to figure out, I guess. Have you seen anything of notice the last time they took you out of your cage?«

Victor’s whole face scrunched up as he tried to think of anything out of the ordinary. Kurt was glad that the boy had done what he had told him in the beginning. Unlike Kurt, Victor complied to every barked order. That was really the only thing that could save the boy from the beatings that Kurt had to suffer. Still, something wasn't right. Something inside his head did not feel right since his last session, since he came back to it just minutes ago. It was as if he wasn't alone in his head anymore all of the sudden. Which was, of course, completely bonkers. Maybe this was just the effect that the torture was bound to have on him. But why were they torturing him anyway? He felt like he should know.

»No« Victor's voice ripped him from his moment of mental absence and pulled him right back into this very dire situation. »There really wasn't something out of the ordinary.« He mumbled quietly and obviously disappointed with himself. »But I saw that they brought someone new in.«

»Someone new?«

»Yeah … A boy. He had golden skin - and I don't mean he was tanned, Kurt! He was golden from head to toe - You know like in this movie … Goldfinger!« Kurt bit back his comment on how Victor was too young to watch James Bond movies in his eyes even though he felt it on the tip of his tongue.

»Interesting.« He breathed and closed his eyes for a second. His head was throbbing with pain all of the sudden. There was something important that he should remember. He knew there was. »We should try and get a  rough outline of how many of us are here. Those people only kidnap mutants like us, mutants that _look mutant_ , you know? So, there has to be something about us they need.« He felt like he had thought about this already. Weapons, was the word shooting through his brain. Yes, they were trying to make weapons out of them to get the general public riled up, right? That was the only conclusion he could come to. But for that they needed to brainwash them and until now Kurt did not really feel all that brainwashed. »Anyway, when we manage to escape we should try and free as many, if not all, of the others as possible.«

Victor nodded. »Tell me about that school again, please.« He then asked a lot quieter than before. »Did you really mean what you said before? I mean … if we look like monsters, aren't the people in the school not thinking the same thing about us too?«

He wanted to say that everything was fine and dandy in the school and that no one would ever look at people like them oddly. A voice inside his head urged him not to talk about the school at all but he chose to ignore it. »Well, you see, Victor, there will always be people who look at us like this, you know? For some people we always will be monsters, even in the eyes of other mutants. That's just how the world is, Victor, despite how much I would like to tell you that you will not be looked at funny in the school. But at the Institute you will get a chance that you won't get anywhere else. Everyone is treated equally and no one is ostracized for anything. The Professor takes great care of his kids too. I mean look at me - He accepted me and welcomed me into the school right away, no questions asked. Most people are very open and accepting there. We are all unique, Victor, and that is something that is celebrated at the school. You will be loved for the person you are, not for your appearance or your powers.«

As Victor's face relaxed again a little, Kurt smirked as he pulled his knees towards his chest and leaned his cheek on his knees. His back was aching like hell. »I have the looks of a demon, I'm not even an American citizen and in addition to that I'm gay too - Still, I'm allowed to teach, I am trusted around kids without prejudice. That is something I could never have dreamed about in my past life. As I was a child, I always thought that there is no other place for me than the circus and I was sure that I would spend the rest of my life at the circus or in some horrible freak show. But the Professor gave me a chance to be something else and he encouraged me from the moment I got there to follow my dreams and not care for my looks.«

»I want to see this school when we get out of here.« Victor finally grinned before his eyes were overcast by a shadow again. »You know … When my mutation first started to show it wasn't so bad in Fairbury. I mean, sure, the other kids started to make jokes, but I was still accepted in the community as if nothing had changed. My parents still loved me too. But then it started to get bad.«

»The Anti-mutant-propaganda rose.« Kurt sighed. »Yes, I know. We got a lot more new students during the last few months than ever before because some parents gave their children over to us in fear of crimes committed against them. A lot of kids with mutations like ours were kidnapped too and I guess … Well, no I’m sure that we are amongst them right now.«

»Do you think it will get worse?«

»If our captors succeed - Yes. Probably. But there will always be the X-Men who will never stop trying to get humans to understand that we are not so different after all. We will never stop this fight against discrimination or violence against our kin - or humans. That's why we exist, you know? The X-Men, I mean. To protect those without power. This was the goal the Professor had in mind from the start.«

»Can I become an X-Man?«

»With a little more training, sure.« Kurt laughed. »We can always use someone who can cling to any surface and at least I’m not alone with that anymore. And I believe, well, you could use this situation we are in as a training, right?« Victor's smile was blinding almost and Kurt finally risked extending his arm through the bars of their cages to shake Victor's hand. »Welcome to the team. But I believe you would need a code name, right? Any ideas?«

Victor was shaking his hand a little too enthusiastically for Kurt's taste, but mainly because of the pain shooting through his body with every bit of movement. His broken tail was driving him insane with every passing second. What if it needed to get amputated in the aftermath? What if he wouldn't get help soon enough?

»Anole!« The young boy finally grinned before he allowed Kurt a glimpse of his forked tongue.

※※※※※※※

There was no way Peter would be able to find sleep in this dingy motel room. It was not the heavy rain that was drumming against the window that was bothering him or the thick darkness outside. He just couldn't sleep as he was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling through the darkness of the nightly room. His sister was breathing deeply on the second bed that was a lot closer to the window and he could make out her silhouette lying on her side thanks to the bit of light that came from the streetlamps of the parking lot. Peter had just slumped down on the bed that was closest to the door and been sure that he would fall into a heavy sleep as soon as his head would hit the pillow, but he didn't. He couldn't. They had left the road as soon as they had reached Ottawa and got a room in the first motel they found. He felt unbearably tired after that long a trip and yet he could not find rest, could not bring his body to relax.

He had hardly slept ever since Kurt vanished and he doubted that this would change now that he was on the hunt for him. For a moment, he even thought about getting back into the car and leaving Wanda with enough money that she could get back home on her own. But that would probably quite the asshole thing to do and … sadly, he needed her. He knew that he needed his sister’s powers to find Kurt despite how much he really hated the thought of it.

As he rose from his bed and walked towards the window, he wondered just when his friends would catch up with him and Wanda? If they would come - no, _when_ they would come - they would do so with the Blackbird for sure. And Peter was very aware that it was just a matter of time now. They had all the necessary means to find him and Wanda easily and, of course, Peter was not even trying to cover his tracks anyway. He knew that he would not be able to infiltrate some possibly military facility and rescue a bunch of mutants without any help. He was fast and strong, yes, but he was not completely invincible and he had learned from past mistakes. He would never make the same mistake as he did all those years ago as they had first gone against the Purifiers, a mistake that had almost killed Kurt.

Still, a part of him wanted to go alone while another wanted to know what his friends were possibly thinking. If Jean was in charge she would probably demand them to wait until Peter would ask for help. She was supportive like this. Scott, on the other hand, was probably mad that he stole his car again. Maybe he should buy his own car finally. Then again, he was fast as lightning and Kurt could teleport so what did they need a car for anyway?

Maybe he had hoped thoughts like these would help him to get his mind off the real topic at hand, but this simply just wasn't the case. He didn't want to think about a future without Kurt, but he was very aware also that the possibility still held strong. Oh, he wished he would be able to hear his voice again, but he knew how much it really took out of Wanda to try to find him and listen in. He needed her to focus on the location and as long as she would tell him that Kurt was still alive, he needed to bite back his sentimentality and focus on the task.

That was what Kurt would expect him to do after all. It was the risk of their profession to get hurt in the crossfire or to lose on another. He could not lose his head because Kurt was in danger, not even if he would die. It was his job to get those kids into safety and he knew that this was what Kurt would demand from him too. Kurt would probably not run around like a headless chicken in a situation like this. Hell, he knew that he wouldn't. He had seen Kurt in dire situations before and enough time Kurt had been the person to help him when things turned sour.

The least he could do was to act like he would do.

Still, doing the right thing and not putting his heart before the mission had never been harder than it was now. Yet, the only thing he could do was to hope that they would all get back home safely, he guessed. He thought about all those times in the past when things had looked like they couldn't get worse and how they somehow always managed to get out alive. They would do so again.

Wanda woke up with a jolt that almost made him jump in surprise. she was clutching her bedsheets, her breathing heavy and fast as if she had just woken up from a nightmare. The big brother in him wanted to comfort her and tell her that everything was going to be just fine but as he made the first steps towards the bed, Wanda stopped him as she held up her left hand. It was trembling and even in the darkness of the room that was only disrupted by the faint lights coming from outside, he could see that her eyes were unfocused and staring ahead blankly.

»Alkali Lake.« She suddenly breathed but it took her another second before she found her brother’s confused eyes and with a smile she repeated the words again. »Alkali Lake, Peter. I found them.«

****

**-End of Chapter 6-**


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a bitch to write and I apologize in advance.

The cries were deafening. His head was pounding and the cries in his ears were deafening. He felt as if his brain was boiling as if it was being cooked in water like spaghetti. He remembered the times Peter had cooked for him. He used to throw the spaghetti against the tiled wall behind the stove to check if they were al dente, as he said. He remembered how often he had chided him for doing something stupid like this although it had made him laugh most of the times. Now he knew how the spaghetti felt. 

»Well, no need to explain.« A voice echoed somewhere outside of his head but it was faint and garbled and almost impossible to understand. »In a moment it will all make sense.« He felt something prick into the skin of the back of his neck but he didn't scream or shout or move at all because he couldn't. Suddenly he didn't know how to do all of that anymore. »You will lead this country into new glory, Mr. Wagner, you should be proud and in your footsteps will follow many others. You will not survive this, of course, but the sacrifice you and your monstrous friends will make will always be remembered in history as the moment humankind decided to fight back against the mutant threat.« 

He felt as if he was falling into a deep black hole and there was no help, there was no hope, there was no escape, no way out.

※※※※※※※

He thought about the last time he had smoked pot. He didn't even quite know why this was the thought that came to his mind as he was staring out onto the lake that was lying before them in the early hours of this brand new day with fog lingering over the water like cobwebs. But well, it was the thing that did come to his mind and so he just went with it. It seemed to calm him down. It was not so much his memory of the high as he smoked the pot but more the situation in itself. He had not been alone. Smoking pot alone was somewhat weird anyway - or at least it was at a certain age, he assumed. He had been with his friends, passing the joint around. They had been free of work and school and really any duty that weekend and just enjoying being free and young as they had traveled to a cabin in the mountains to have a few days of fresh air and unsupervised fun. He remembered how Kurt had reacted to him pulling out the small bag of weed. Of course, Kurt being Kurt had been abhorred by that at first, unlike all of their friends, but then he had tried it too and it had been the funniest thing ever. 

Kurt had been so hyper after the effects had started to set in for him that it had been hard to get him to focus on anything or off the ceiling as he had thought it would be a great idea to show his friends just how much he could really cling to any surface. Only when his body had started to get used to the sensation he became a melted blue puddle in Peter’s arms instead. 

When all of this was over and they would be back to normal again, leading their own boring lives as teachers and part-time superheroes, Peter would go buy another bag of pot for sure. He was a child of the sixties, after all, and Kurt could probably use the relaxation pot had to offer. He better not think too much about the condition Kurt was in at the moment. He better not think about how hurt he was, how badly injured he might be. 

»Have you found anything yet?« He turned to his sister next to him in the passenger’s seat but Wanda's forehead was still covered in deep lines of concentration. 

»No« She sighed and leaned further back in the seat before brushing a hand over her face. She was exhausted and Peter was tired seeing his baby sister like this. He should have never dragged her into all of this. Wanda was a person who could have had a normal life. In his mind, she was going to visit college and make something out of her life, marry, have children, be as normal as normal got with powers as hers. »I can't say how many there are, Pietro, I'm sorry. Whatever it is that is locking me out, it's doing a damn good job in keeping me out.«

It was deeply frustrating and Peter would not lie about it. They were finally here at Alkali Lake after nearly fifty hours since they had left home and yet it felt as if they were still no closer to rescuing Kurt from the clutches of those bastards. The formerly abandoned military compound was lying right in front of them, hidden underneath the lake with only so many tell-tale signs scattered across the landscape that told the world what truly lay beyond the murky waters of that water reservoir. 

»It's hard to get a proper glimpse. I can only try to get a glimpse inside the head of one or two guards but it's harder since we got here as if something in the air was blocking me out.« Wanda sighed in frustration. »If I could get in, maybe it would be easier then.« 

»Which is probably what made it impossible for the Professor to find Kurt.« Peter growled and unbuckled his seatbelt.

»What are you doing?«

»I'm finding a way inside.«

»I'm coming with you.«

»No, Wanda. You hide the car and then you’ll use the intercom to get in touch with Jean. Tell them our location.« Peter brushed her off before this could even become an argument between them. He was tired of sitting around doing nothing. Yes, he had promised Kurt before not to act without thinking things through anymore and for the most part he acted on that promise, but now was not one of those times.

» _ You _ calling for backup?« Wanda smirked. »Well, that is a surprise indeed.«

»I'm not suicidal, you know?«

A thin layer of fog lay over the lake like spider webs as Peter left the car and slowly walked off. He was careful to stay close to the trees and the forest line that was surrounding the area as he heard Wanda drive off with Scott’s car. He could only hope now that his sister would not be stupid and come after him despite what he had told her. He was aware that Wanda was no damsel in distress and certainly no weak little girl but she was still his sister and she was still untrained. Having her by his side would only make things more difficult and dangerous. He didn't feel too thrilled leaving her behind like this because out here it was no less dangerous and yet someone should be out there until the other X-Men would arrive, right?

Excuses, he chided himself as he moved on. He just was making up excuses, right? At least it felt like this. He could very well need someone like Wanda at his side inside this facility. After all, he did not know what was waiting for him inside and if he would be able to maneuver around by himself just like that. No, he couldn't know these things but he would find a way if the need would arise. 

Finding one of the entranceways proofed to be not too difficult too and that in itself was already not only baffling but concerning to Peter. Coming here and finding this entrance was too easy and yet Peter moved on. He knew that Kurt was close now and he could feel it vibrating in his bones as he managed to crash the mechanism that was keeping that gate that was leading into the mountain closed. 

※※※※※※※

He felt something pulling on him. He felt it pulling on his hands and feet and his pointed ears. He felt it pulling on his mind. He felt it pulling him in all different directions at the very same time. He was being ripped apart. Well, that was not how he had imagined it to be when he would face death. There was a voice inside his head telling him that he was far from being dead but that he would wish to be dead if he would follow the orders that were given to him. 

It was not that he was completely out of it, no, not at all. He was aware of those orders, he was aware of what was asked of him and he would not stay put and let this monster take over without a fight. He could feel the monster scratching on his insides as someone kept barking orders at him. He felt the urge to let it loose and just do as he was told, to kill, to hurt, to fight but a part of him still refused to do it. The part of his mind that was still human, still unbroken refused to become the animal everyone saw in him. He was not a monster, he was not a demon, but, if he had to, he could play one. 

That was the only thought keeping him alive, the only thought that was keeping his mind intact and saved him from falling apart. His brain felt fried as he was slowly getting back to his feet. For a moment, he almost forgot what had happened. His mind was still intact and yet it was shattered into a million pieces and he had a hard time putting them back together. He remembered pain, very distinctively so, and he remembered orders being shouted at him. He remembered the electricity shooting through his body, surging through his brain.

As his hands were shaking he almost dropped the knife in his right hand and only then he remembered that he still held onto it. He still needed it too. There was something else he had to do but it was hard to remember what it was. Something about a kid. He had to save someone, right? As he staggered towards the wide open lab doors he was almost unable to support his weight. It was more a tumble than anything else. He could teleport, of course. The thought only briefly came to him and yet he felt his whole body tense up even thinking about teleporting away. And where to anyway?

No, his feet he could trust, no matter how much they hurt as he stepped over broken glass. His feet would bring him to where he needed to go. Teleportation was pain and it was dangerous. No, he much rather walked. As he stepped out of the lab, he felt aware of the fact that something in the air around him had changed. There was a red light flooding the hallways and a sound ringing in his ears like an alarm blaring. Whatever it was, he needed to get to the elevator. He had promised this kid that he would get him back to his family. 

Wherever that was. 

Maybe he would be able to find a way back home too. Wherever that was. A part of him had been sure that there would be more of the guards running around the hallways with machine guns in hand as he stumbled onwards. Surely they were looking for him and as he looked back over his shoulder, he noticed that he was not making it very hard to find him either way. Bloody two-toed footprints were following him across the corridors of the facility as the alarm kept blaring and he kept stumbling on and on, grasping at the wall for support. Had it always been that hard to just walk? He couldn't remember. 

He reached the elevator without much trouble and inside he pressed the button he had seen the guards press before when they had led him back to his cage. His fingers left the button bloody as he took them away again. This time he was going willingly and he would not leave without those children. 

He felt like his mind was slowly waking up again. He felt as if he was waking up from a fever dream and the things he had seen were just a nightmare he had lived through. The monster had killed and he had enjoyed it and now Kurt had blood on his hands as he was stumbling out of the elevator again as he reached the next level down in this facility. The red light was on here too and the alarm was probably going off all around. They knew what he did. They knew he had killed. They knew he had escaped their clutches. They knew that the monster was on the loose. He had to act quickly before they would harm the other monsters to prohibit further damage.

As he walked around the next corner, he finally saw the guards. They had their backs to him but he knew that he wouldn't be able to sneak past them as they were blocking his way to Victor and the others. He could teleport, couldn't he? He didn't want to teleport, though. Teleporting was painful. Yet, there was the smell of sulfur as he rematerialized behind the guards. He acted swift as he thrust his knife into the back of the neck of the first guard on his right, ripping it out just as quickly before he rammed it to the hilt into the back of the surprised second guard. 

His body acted without his agreement. It just did. The monster knew what it needed to do and it did it in order to protect Kurt and in order to protect those children that were possibly in danger behind bars. Before the bodies dropped to the floor, Kurt had reached one of the heavy metal doors on his right-hand side and ripped it open to find a row of cages like his and Victor’s. 

The first things that caught Kurt’s eye were the shining metal humanoid figure blocking his way and staring at him out of silver eyes menacingly. It took him a second as he bared his teeth at the thing before he realized that this thing was, in fact, another mutant. Another second later, he noticed that the cage doors had been ripped open by some enormous force. The only thing capable of something like this seemed to be this man made of pure metal as it seemed. There was a face poking out from behind the man of metal and to Kurt’s surprise, it was that of a young boy completely covered in gold. He remembered what Victor had told him before and he felt the tension leave his face but not his aching back.

»I saw you on TV!« A small voice suddenly chimed and Kurt was not quite sure where it came from before there was yet another young boy slowly stepping around the metal man. His entire body was ablaze or at least it looked like it and his hair was almost one solid flame and yet he was not burning through the clothes he was wearing. As if a spell was broken, the metal man suddenly changed shape and the metal covering his body slowly turned into healthy pink skin. The young man that was revealed underneath the metal was hardly older than fifteen, though quite tall for his age. »Piotr!« The burning boy exclaimed. »Didn't I say it? I told you guys the X-Men would come to save us!« He thrust his burning fist in the air with a small cheer leaving his lips. »Alright! I knew it! I knew you guys would find us!« 

He was a child, just like the metal boy - Piotr- and just like the boy who was covered in gold and now slowly stepping forward. »How did you manage to get out?« Kurt finally found his voice as he nodded to the cages but he had no control over his words or his voice at that very moment. He felt like he had control over nothing at all.

»As the alarm went off« Piotr started and his voice was heavy with a strong Russian accent that reminded Kurt a little uncomfortably of East Berlin. »we saw the guards running down the hallway towards the elevator through that little window in the door. The power went out for a second and I was able to transform and break the doors of our cages down but we didn't dare to run out like this. It sounded as if there was a fight and I didn't want us to get caught in the crossfire.«

»Where are the other X-Men?« The burning boy asked cheerfully. How long had he been here already? How was it possible that he was still that cheerful? 

»I'm alone.« Kurt snapped and turned around towards the door again. »We don't have much time.«

※※※※※※※

The facility was in chaos after Peter managed to sneak inside and maneuver through it which was far from being easy after he had never been here before. He could only try to be stealthy and sneak around the hallways to follow those of who he was sure were on their way down to their captives. He tried before to think of all the ways he would barge into that place and free his boyfriend and all those kids but as he was inside now, he had to realize that every one of his plans was already dead and buried six feet under. Guards were storming down the hallways as Peter ducked inside a niche, armed with all kinds of heavy looking weaponry. They looked like they were going to war and Peter was aware what that meant. He needed to follow them and quick too - which was not so much of a problem than not being seen might be. 

He might be fast, but he was not invisible, especially not when he was running around blindly and might be slowed down enough to be seen. He needed to act carefully now that he was in enemy’s territory. There was still fear clawing at his neck that Wanda might not listen to him. She was like this. He knew that she was because she was just like him! He could only hope that his sister would not get involved, that she would not act stupid. He could not worry about her too and he hoped that when she would read his mind she would understand that. No, he needed her outside, he needed her safe, and he needed her to get in touch with his team when they would arrive -  _ if  _ they would arrive. 

It took him not long after he first entered the old formerly abandoned military base to find a map of the building itself in one of the large now abandoned operation rooms and with its help, it was easy to find out just where the prisoners were kept. At least now he knew where he needed to go and could act as quickly as he wanted without getting seen. Inside the operation room, however, he had not just found the map of the facility but of the United States too with little red needles pointing at various locations and photos of the kidnapped mutants under which was Kurt too. The photos themselves looked as if they had been taken when they had been unconscious in some way. There were notes scattered all over the place concerning the kids and Kurt, reports about experiments and progress in a certain project. 

But Peter had no time to study all of this. 

He had not expected what he saw as he entered the prison area of the facility, though. He had not expected all the blood on the walls and floor as he quietly immersed from the stairwell. Taking the elevators would have been too slow and too dangerous anyway. But as he grew aware of the alarms going off throughout the facility and the red light that was illuminating his surroundings eerily, he decided that he could probably drop the stealth-mode entirely. Still, the question remained just who was responsible for this bloodbath. Had some of the mutants managed to escape their cells? But they were children and as far as Peter was aware, none of them in control of their powers. As he stepped quietly through the halls of the underground facility, he had to step over the bodies of fallen guards, claw marks visible on their faces, the fabric of their uniforms torn. No, that had not been the deed of children. 

He didn't know if Wanda would be able to hear him inside this place, but he would have loved to ask her if she was able to find Kurt. Well, judging by the bloody footprints, he couldn't be far.

※※※※※※※

His head was throbbing painfully as he pressed on with those kids following behind him as quietly as they could. To his relief, they did not really seem hurt, only frightened, tired and haggard from weeks and weeks of sleep deprivation and a shortage of food. The room in which he and Victor had been kept in was not far now. He could already see the door and started to hurry towards it as an explosion suddenly made his ears ring. It took him too long to realize that it had not been an explosion but a shot that made him freeze in terror. Everything suddenly seemed to happen too fast for his brain to cope with the situation. He was sure after he realized that someone was shooting at them, that he would soon feel the piercing pain from having a bullet going through his body or to hear one of the kids behind him scream in agony, but none of this happened. 

There only was a gush of wind and silver rushing past them and then the scream of one person somewhere in front of them, then another and yet another before time was starting to take back it's natural form again and shift back into focus. At least that was how it all felt. Suddenly he was no longer standing in the middle of the hallway and neither were the kids that had been in his back previously. A bullet was hitting a wall further down the hall and Kurt felt as if he was going to be sick.

He knew that feeling. He was sure that he knew it. He couldn't name it though. He couldn't recall why he knew it. Why silver? Why the gush of wind in this windowless space?

»Geez!« Ben Hamill, the young burning boy as he had introduced himself curtly to Kurt before, suddenly exclaimed as the oldest boy, Piotr grabbed the wall for support. »You said you were alone!«

Kurt didn't even make the attempt of feigning to understand what the boy meant. His mind was probably just as scrambled as Kurt's was after that long a time in these conditions. Only as he heard the door or a cage slam shut he sprang into action once more as he rushed towards the door he had been aiming for before the shot and the weird silver tornado that had pushed them out of the way. Only out of the corners of his eyes he noticed the bodies of three guards lying motionless on the ground at the end of the hallway from where the shot had been fired. 

Kurt didn't even get to enter the room he and Victor had been kept in over the past … how long? Weeks? Months? Years, perhaps? As he stopped at the door, Victor was already free from his cage and at his side stood a silver-haired young man. A voice inside Kurt's head screamed at him that he knew this man, that he should know this man, that he should know his name and yet his mind was not cooperating. 

»Pietro?« He wasn't sure from where the voice came but it seemed close, almost as if it came out of his own mouth. It was as if his mind was constantly glitching all over the place. He was here, then he was not. He understood the situation, then he did not. He could think straight, then he could not. He knew who he was, then he did not. 

»Quicksilver!« Ben sharply exhaled behind him and had Peter not decided that this was the appropriate time and setting to pull Kurt towards him and into an almost bone-crushing embrace, the part of Kurt that was able to understand the situation was sure that Ben would have gone in for an overly excited handshake. This boy seemed not fazed by the situation at all. 

»I thought I had lost you.« Peter’s voice met his ear so silently that only Kurt would be able to hear it and for just a second, Kurt allowed himself to relax against him but the moment was gone too quickly as he pulled himself out of it. Would he relax now, would he let himself fall like this now, he would fall apart and not be able to piece himself together again. They were freed from their cages, yes, but they had to leave as quickly as possible.

»We have to go.« Kurt replied clearing his throat as he stepped away from Peter. »And quickly before they sent more guards.« 

»Or worse.« Peter smirked. 

»They might blow up this fucking place.« A female voice suddenly interrupted and as Kurt whirled around Wanda Maximoff, Peter’s little sister was already standing near the end of the hallway, motioning them to finally get going. He could not even fathom anymore what or why things were happening.

»I told you to stay put, for God’s sake!« Peter shouted at his sister as they were now moving towards her as fast as they managed to. 

»I can help, you idiot! Why would I stay put? I blocked the elevator for now but I don't know how much longer I can keep the reinforcements at bay so you guys better get going. If the reinforcements don't report back in five minutes and tell their boss that the situation is under control, they’ll blow up this place - that was no joke.«

They reached the stairwell through which Peter seemed to have come before and to their almost comical luck they were not faced with hundreds of guards as they barged through the door immediately. Kurt was staggering quite badly by this point. He could hardly place one foot in front of the other anymore as they were starting to climb the stairs and of course, something like that would not get unnoticed by Peter.

»Wanda, you and the kids go ahead. Don't do something stupid. Get out as fast as you can and wait for my team to arrive.« Kurt noticed the glare Peter shot his sister as she looked back over her shoulder towards them. She and the kids were already one flight of stairs ahead of them and to his grand surprise Wanda just nodded and hurried onwards. Victor was the only one shooting a worried glance back at Kurt who was catching his breath and clutching the railing as hard as he could now but even he hurried on and was out of sight not long after.

»Can you climb on my back?« Peter huffed and his brown eyes were wide with worry and anger at the same time. 

»I'm fine.« Kurt shrugged off Peter’s concerns, but of course, the stubborn speedster would have none of that as he dragged Kurt's left arm around his shoulders and grabbed him tightly by the waist. 

»Yes, I know you are.« He groaned as he was now supporting Kurt's swaying broken body. Not having his tail for additional balance and support made it even worse to move. »I fucking hope this place blows up before any of those asshats can get out for what they’ve done to you.« Kurt tried rolling his eyes, but in the end, he had no strength left for even something like that.

He didn't want to talk, he didn't want to listen, he didn't want anything just to get outside and see the sun again after all this time. 

They reached the end of the stairwell after what seemed to have been an eternity as Peter had to practically drag him up there. He could not speed off with Kurt like this, not in the condition Kurt was in and he was too weak to teleport. He didn't want to teleport either. Teleporting hurt and it was bloody and messy.

As they left the stairwell, they had entered a part of the facility that Kurt had never seen before. »We're almost there.« Peter immediately gasped as they were hurrying down another hallway that looked too similar to the ones Kurt knew and yet different enough so that he was aware that he was somewhere different. The monster inside his head was still rearing its ugly head, roaring and demanding blood. It was weak, though. It was too weak to lash out and yet it screamed at Kurt. It wanted to scream at Peter, tell him to fuck off, tell him to leave him behind. It wanted to be ugly and violent.

They saw the guard in front of them too late as the man came out of one of the rooms, saw them and immediately pulled his gun at them. It all happened so fast, that Kurt hardly realized what was happening at all. Before the guard could even pull the trigger, he fell to the floor. His first instinct was that it had been Peter, but he realized quickly that his boyfriend hadn't moved from his side. As the guard slammed face first into the ground he noticed that the air behind him suddenly took shape and turned green. 

»Holy Hell!« Peter exclaimed even before Kurt could piece two and two together at the sight of Victor who stood there looking down in shock at the unconscious guard before he dropped the stun gun in his hand to the ground. There was no time to question from where Victor got it or why he was still here. Around them the world was chaos, red flashing lights and blaring alarm sirens, a countdown going off in the distance that Kurt hardly even realized. »You can camouflage! That's awesome!«

Peter was already dragging him forwards and Kurt's feet almost uselessly dragged over the floor at times. 

»I didn't know I could do that!« Victor seemed still in shock of himself and his own abilities as they ran as fast as they could if it could be called running at all what was happening with Kurt and Peter. As they rounded the next corner, Kurt saw the gate that was leading outside. It was wide open and Wanda stood there, ushering them on with hectic movements. The rest of it was all but a blur. Kurt felt as if he was just a passive observer of what was happening. Suddenly he was hurled up on Peter's arms despite protest coming out garbled and slurred out of his mouth, then cold winds were ripping at his fur and his hair. Voices around him made his ears ring loudly and faces took shape like blotched pancakes in the world around him. Only for a second, he caught a glimpse of a grey sky ahead but he was no longer sure if it was the sky or the ceiling of his cell. Only as the world fell into darkness again, he felt relaxed. 

****

**-End of Chapter 7-**


	8. Chapter 8

The sky above was a steel grey as he opened his eyes to slowly blink against the sunlight that was shining down on him loudly, almost blindingly harsh. As he slowly started blinking away the bright light he took notice of the blotched pancake hovering above him and it took him another moment to realize that it was probably a face as eyes and a nose started to take shape in front of him. He felt like he knew that face.

»Kurt?« The voice that was talking to him sounded far away and he was only dimly aware of the hand that was touching his left cheek. He didn't flinch away or moved in any way - mostly because he wasn't able to. For a moment, he was afraid that he was tied down to the lab table once again and weary of the electroshocks that were surely about to come at any minute now, but as the world started to become a bit clearer, he grew aware of the noise around him, the vibrations in his back, the voices talking quietly and muffled all around him. He felt like he knew them like he had heard them all before but couldn't place his finger on it.

He blinked away his exhaustion or at least he tried to as the pancake that was still hovering above his face started to take shape more and more by the second. He was sure he knew that very pancake with its silver hair and those worried brown eyes looking down on him now. He had seen that numerous times before and although he grew tired of this worried expression, he was glad to see it now.

»Hey…« He found himself mumbling but even that hurt and his own voice sounded far away as if it was not even coming out of his own mouth now. He felt like he was getting lost in an endless abyss of colors and emotions. His lips were so dry and broken that every bit of movement made him regret his life's choices that had led to this point in the first place. Where had he gone wrong to deserve this much pain anyway? What could he have done differently? Had he not been good enough? He had tried to save Victor and those other kids from the fate they were going to suffer at the hands of those maniacs as he had decided to provoke them enough so that they would focus their attempts on him instead. He felt like he had failed, though. He could hear the monster roar in the back of his head. Kurt wasn't really able to feel most of his body and even though the thought would have scared him under different circumstances, he was glad for that now. If he wouldn't be able to feel his broken and shattered body, there was no pain to feel either.

»We're bringing you home.« The pancake spoke again as it became again harder and harder for Kurt to keep his eyes open or focus on the world around him. The voices and noises around him became the same dull buzz as before and the voice of the pancake started to melt away like the music from a broken gramophone or a burning record. As he fell back into unconsciousness this time, he was aware of the hand clutching his and that feeling alone brought a bit of peace back to his mind for now.

※※※※※※※

It wasn't the first time for Peter to see his boyfriend in such a bad condition but it was certainly the worst time. Peter could only watch through the thick glass that allowed him a look inside of the sterile white room Kurt was kept in. He could only stand there and watch his boyfriend fight with the pain he was in as he was strapped to that bed and he didn't quite know what was harder to watch; Kurt fighting with the pain of his injuries or seeing him fight the demons in his head. He knew that there was no other way to help him but this right here to get the drugs out of his system, but it was truly gut-wrenching to see when all he wanted to do was be close to him, wrap him in his arms and never let go again. He wanted to tell him that it was okay and that he would be fine again in no time, but he was not allowed to do that. This was a fight Kurt had to fight on his own and Peter hated it. He felt as if he was letting him down despite everything they had gone through in their life as a couple already.

»He's going to be okay.« It wasn't as if he wouldn't appreciate Wanda's effort of trying to console him as best as she could but it did nothing to lighten his mood as she stayed at his side now, watching over Kurt as he did the same. Her reflection in the window was looking back at him now but Peter could not bring himself to look at her.

»No, he's not, Wanda. Look at him.« He replied with a dark scowl on his face. »This is not just about his injuries or the drugs and you know that better as I.« It was not her fault and he shouldn't act like it was. She was his sister and she had done this trip with him to find Kurt even though he wouldn't have needed to do this for him. However, he couldn't help the anger he was feeling deep down inside. He should have been faster. Why was he always too late? How was this even possible? »I should have done something sooner.«

»You tried to, Pete.« She sighed softly. »You tried to find him and you did and that took time and I'm sure he understands that.«

Peter could not help but scoff at her choice of words. It was so utterly cruel. »At the moment, he understands nothing, Wanda. At the moment, he doesn't even know who I am or who he is. He just knows that he is tied to a bed and that he is afraid.«

»He’ll get better. Just give him time.«

Never before had Peter wished that Kurt would only suffer from physical trauma but now he did. Three of his ribs were broken, he was bruised all over, his back hung in shreds from being beaten with something that Peter could only assume had been a belt, his tail was broken in various places and unlikely to heal properly if they would not be forced to amputate it all together and he had burn marks all over his body from being shocked.

»You know, one of the new kids has healing abilities. He could heal Kurt's injuries if you would let him. He offered to do that for Kurt.« Wanda placed her hand on Peter's shoulder softly but somehow even that made him tense up. He didn't want anyone to come near Kurt, he didn't want anyone to experiment with Kurt in anyway whatsoever  for another time. He should be the one who helped Kurt get better but he couldn't do that and that frustrated him to no end. »Pete you would be stupid to not accept his offer. Let Josh do his work. He can't take the burden of what happened from Kurt, but he can make it easier for him to recover, he can take the pain away from him. Let him do that. You want him to get better, don't you? What do you have to lose?«

Having a mind reader for a sister sucked and there was nothing he could say against her argument anyway. She was right and not accepting Josh’s offer would not only be just plain stupid but, worse of all, selfish to no end. »Okay … Get him here.«

※※※※※※※

Had he thought that healing Kurt's wounds would make everything better again? No. He wasn't naive like this. He had known from the start that this was not going to fix anything. It was just a cosmetic fix. It was just his outer shell that was being fixed but not the problem on the inside and that became pretty clear pretty fast. Still, Peter was thankful for Josh's work and he couldn't deny that. That kid was a gift to the Institute and their team as a whole and he seemed eager to stay too just like the other kids that they had saved from the purifiers.  

As Peter came back home after a busy day of teaching lessons and helping out Scott with his classes as well, he found Kurt sitting on the windowsill of the living room. Outside the world was a dark grey and heavy rain was hitting the window hard. »Hey, Babe.« He greeted him and although it was so natural to him to come home to the man he loved and greet him like this, it was odd too. It had been odd ever since he got Kurt back. Only shortly, Kurt flicked his head to look at him. His hair was tousled and messy. The truth was, over a month had passed since Kurt got back to the Institute. Over a month since his wounds had been healed by Josh. It wasn't as if they had expected Kurt to go back to teaching right away but slowly it started to become more and more clear that it was highly unlikely that he was going back to teaching at all anytime soon.

As Peter didn't get a response from his boyfriend, he suppressed a small sigh and just put his bag down on the ground next to the door together with the poster roll he had gotten in the mail this morning. Their apartment was a mess. Usually, Peter didn't care too much about stuff like this. He wasn't the tidiest person on earth, to begin with - not by a long shot. But Kurt was. Kurt was extremely tidy and cared a lot that things were in order. Yet there were dirty dishes piling up in the sink, the bed was unmade, there were clothing articles strewn all over the room. He didn't know when Kurt had left the bed today but it looked as if he had spent at least most of the day in bed as Peter threw a glance through the open bedroom door. He was still in his pajamas too. A part of him, the impatient part of him, wanted to yell at Kurt, wanted to tell him to get his shit together now but Peter knew that he couldn't do that. He wanted to, yes, he was getting tired of seeing his boyfriend letting himself go like this, sinking into a bottomless pit almost but he still couldn't yell at him because of that. It wouldn't be right. It wasn't Kurt's fault. He was just sick.

That was what they told the students at least. And the most troublesome part about that was that the sickness was in his head. His body was fine, it had healed up pretty well thanks to Josh, and yet Kurt was covering himself in thick layers of clothing as if to hide his scars and injuries from sight. By now, over a month later, he would allow Peter to snuggle up with him in bed again. He even allowed Peter to kiss him but that was about it. He didn't want to be touched and so he wore clothing that could act as an armor. These days he tended to curl his tail down his pants leg for protection even. He looked haggard and skinny because he wasn't really eating unless Peter forced him to. His lips were dry and broken because he wasn't really drinking anything either except coffee to help him stay awake during the night. He would have dark circles under his tired eyes had it not been for the fact that he was blue from head to toe.

Despite all of this, Peter decided to ignore the state of their apartment and stepped closer to Kurt instead. »Hey, Elf, how was your day?« He asked and tried to keep his voice as low and softly as he possibly could. Kurt flinched as he brushed a strand of hair behind his pointed ear and planted a kiss on top of his head. He knew that Kurt didn't mean to flinch but the fact that he still did, pained him. »We’ve got mail from your mom.« He continued as he left his side to stroll back towards their little kitchen so that he could take care of the mess. »She sent us one of their new posters for next year. You’re on it too! _Bestaunt den unglaublichen Nightcrawler!_ « Peter tried to sound as cheerful as humanly possible when the situation was as gloomy as it was now. That was, apparently, only one of his special abilities. »I think we should frame it and hang it up over the bed or something. The space looks so empty now.«

After they moved into this apartment, Kurt had demanded them to hang up a simple wooden cross over their bed and though Peter had protested at first, he had then accepted it. If that was what it would take to make his blueberry happy, he was happy to comply. The cross was now gone. Kurt had thrown it out of the window after he came back to their apartment for the first time in a fit of rage. He had not seen him pray too ever since although he had done so regularly in the past. It was bad. Peter knew that it was bad and yet there was nothing he could do about it. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to make it better or if there was a way to make it better. Kurt seemed lost and Peter didn't know if there was anything he could do to help him. Perhaps there wasn't anything he could do.

Jean always compelled him to just give Kurt time but he doubted that giving him time would make anything better at all. He was only sinking into this black hole further and further and one day Peter wouldn't be able to reach him anymore at all. It was already getting to the point where Kurt was slipping out of reach. He hardly recognized him nowadays. He wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't talk, he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't drink, he wouldn't shower or take a bath or cut his hair or do anything that did not need to be done. He just sat around all day, staring into the void. Peter had brought him a ton of new books from the library but they were all still in the same place where he had left them. He doubted that Kurt had changed clothes at all during the last month.

It was starting to unnerve him. Being alone with Kurt in their own four walls started to unnerve him.

He had finished washing up the dishes in just a second and as he was done, he braced himself on the sink for a moment to take a deep breath before he would face Kurt again and ask him with a smile what he wanted to have for dinner. Kurt wouldn't answer anyway, of course, and he wouldn't eat it either but he couldn't just act as if Kurt wasn't there. Although it felt like it. The man sitting in their apartment was not Kurt. That was a fact and pretty much everyone who knew Kurt seemed to agree on that. He wasn't Kurt any longer. He was just some empty shell of a man who had gone through hell and wasn't able to pick up the pieces and stick them back together for once. Hell, who could blame him?

Kurt had seen a crapton of shit in his life already and Peter knew that. Yet, this time it was different. Maybe what had happened to him this time had truly been the last nail in the coffin. Peter wouldn't be Peter would he give up so easily, though. Patience was truly not his biggest strength but he would be for Kurt. If there was any hope that Kurt might come back to him, he would wait. Ororo was his biggest support and help during these days. All of their friends were a big help to Peter, but Ororo seemed to understand him the most. She helped him get through the day and in her presence he was allowed to blow off some steam or just crumble down for a moment. He had a face to uphold, after all. He had to act the part. Of course, he was aware that even Scott and especially Jean were able to see right through his act. But for his students, he had to be Quicksilver, Mr. Maximoff, Peter perhaps even. In here or with Ororo, he was Pietro. Just a man who was desperate for help, desperate for comfort and hope.

Shortly, he pressed two fingers into the bridge of his nose and squeezed tightly to get rid of the burning sensation he felt in his eyes before he turned around. He was just about to call out for Kurt to ask him about dinner, as he paused in surprise. In the kitchen door stood Kurt, disheveled and messy. His hair had gotten longer and was knotted in a few spots. For a moment, he just stood there and Peter truly didn't know what to expect from this. He stood and stared out of yellow eyes but avoided Peter's own eyes.

»Hey Blueberry, what's wrong?« He asked after he found his voice again and cleared his throat. »Can I get you something to eat or drink? I was about to cook dinner. What-«

»I need a bath.« Kurt interrupted and his voice was hoarse from not being used for so long. Needless to say, his words surprised Peter enough to leave him dumbfounded.

»Y-Yes. Sure thing.« He replied confused before he stepped away from the sink. »I’ll run you a bath if you want.« He was already squeezing past Kurt through the door, as he felt Kurt's fingers suddenly curl around his wrist in passing. The grip was not tight at all, barely even noticeable to Peter but it was there and it made him pause again.

»Would you … help  me cut my hair too?« His voice was still quiet and Peter noticed how much effort it seemed to be for Kurt to even find words.

»Of course.« He replied softer than before as he took a moment to just look at him. He wanted desperately to brush his fingers over his cheek or kiss him or pull him into a hug but he knew better than to do that. He just stayed where he was and waited until Kurt would break away from him first and as it happened he allowed himself to linger another second or two before he went into the bathroom. He was dimly aware of the fact that Kurt was following him silently as a cat and as Peter turned away from the bathtub and the running water, Kurt was already there in his face. He looked almost like a child who didn't know what to do and so, with a sigh, Peter directed him towards the toilet and sat him down on the closed lid before he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Kurt's shoulders in hopes that he wouldn't make as much of a mess this way.

»Welcome to Quicksilver’s hairdressing salon.« He smirked after grabbing a pair of scissors from the cabinet over the sink. »How can I be of help to you, Sir?«

Under different circumstances, Kurt would have played along, but this time he said or did nothing and so, Peter just went to work, cutting away the knots in this soft dark hair when there was no way to save it. He took his time while the water was slowly filling their tub. Peter had always loved the way Kurt's hair curled at the ends when it would reach a certain length but now he had to cut away most of it and left only a few of the longer strands of hair like Kurt liked it. Only after he got the clipper to shave his neck and had to pull Kurt's head forward a bit, Kurt moved on his own again. Peter almost jolted in surprise as he felt how Kurt's forehead came to a rest against his stomach and as his arms closed loosely around Peter's hips.

Maybe that was the little glimpse of hope that he had been waiting for until now, he mused as he shaved his neck shorter the way Kurt liked it. It was always a very delicate thing to do and that was why Peter was the one doing it usually. »Well, look at that.« Peter hummed as he switched off the clippers again and brushed his fingers through Kurt's short hair. »You’ve lost quite a bit of wool their you sheep.« Still, Kurt did not seem to want to let go of him and Peter would enjoy that would it not be for the risk of their bathtub spilling over. »Come on now, little Lamb. We get you into the tub, alright?«

That was the needed push that compelled Kurt to let go of him for the moment. Peter helped him strip although Kurt still seemed not very comfortable of getting out of his clothes at all and he seemed lost as Peter confiscated the items immediately. He would not put them back on before they had not been in the laundry for sure. Without much hesitation, Kurt finally sat down in the bathtub and Peter resisted the urge to join him as he started cleaning up the mess he had made. It was not long before he realized that Kurt was staring at him.

»What's wrong, Blueberry?« He smirked again. There was no denying that he felt like a record being stuck on the same track. He looked away as if caught by something he was not supposed to do before he looked at Peter again.

»Join me.« His words were almost inaudible as he spoke and Peter wasn't quite sure if he had heard him right the first time but as his eyes kept being fixed on him he realized that he had indeed heard him right. He was unsure at first. Would it really be wise to join Kurt in the bathtub now? He was barely ready to be touched at all even though he had finally started to search for physical contact on his own again. His eyes were pleading and finally, Peter decided to risk it as he slowly pulled off his clothes.

»Well, I could use a bath, I assume.« He agreed with a crooked smile. The day had been exhausting and he had not been looking forward to coming home to this situation. Now he felt guilty for ever thinking like this.

Peter had a hard time relaxing as he sat in the bathtub, though and he couldn't help but miss the way things used to be between him and Kurt, how easy it had always been to talk to him or to joke around. He wished it would be different but it just wasn't and he hated it but he knew just as well that he wasn't able to force Kurt to anything. It wouldn't be right if he would try either. »You know, your students keep asking about you.They can't wait for you to come back to teach them. Especially Victor. He already enlisted in every class you teach and now he’s stuck with the substitute idiots - Or in other words: us.«

There was no response at first. Kurt just sat there, his knees pulled close to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around them. »They’ll have to wait for a long time then.« Kurt finally replied after that moment of hesitation. »I don't know if I will ever be able to go back to teaching anything…«

»You will - I don't have any doubts about that.« The reply came almost automatically and not just because that was what a good boyfriend would tell his bae. »You are strong, Kurt. You can work through that. You're stronger than everyone I know, for god’s sake! But you have to let me help you, okay? And I can't help you if you don't talk.« Peter was pretty sure that he had said too much, that he had been too pushy and that Kurt would just close up again but once again his boyfriend surprised him.

»I know…« His response was so quiet that he hardly even heard it. »I know…« Even as he repeated it now, it sounded even more quiet and lost all of the sudden and Peter just wanted to pull him into his arms but he was so afraid that Kurt would flinch away. »I don't know how…«

»Just let me help you, Babe.« Peter offered as he opened his arms for him and he could see how Kurt was worrying his bottom lip between his sharp teeth. »I'm here for you and you know I will help you get back to your feet. Baby steps, okay?« It would be a long way for Kurt to get back to who he used to be, the swashbuckling Nightcrawler who had so much fun teaching his drama class or his gym class. To his surprise, however, finally, Kurt moved towards him and as he did, Peter just closed his arms around Kurt and let him settle between his legs, as he was pressing his body tightly against Peter’s.

They just sat there like this, intertwined in an embrace like this and not saying a word as Peter tucked Kurt's head underneath his chin and started to rub soothing circles into the fur on his back. How long had it been that he had held him that close? It felt like years had passed since the last time that happened and he didn't want it to end.

****

**-End of Chapter 8-**


	9. Chapter 9

»You’re staring again.« Kurt found himself sighing as he was binding his tie in front of the full body mirror that was standing next to the chest of drawers on one side of the bedroom. Well, at least he was trying to bind his tie, to be more precise. Of course, this wouldn't faze Pietro or get him to stop staring at least. Peter Maximoff knew no shame, after all. Kurt was nervous as it was already and though he would like to say that he didn't know why he was so nervous, he was pretty aware why that was. He hadn't worked for a while after he came back from hell - and yes, that was how he would refer to what happened to him from now on forward. Hell. Those weeks in Canada, locked in this cage, being tortured and brainwashed had been hell on earth.

»That's just because you look scared.« Peter sighed from his spot on the bed where he was lounging comfortably still between their ruffled bed sheets. Peter didn't need to get up just yet because he had no classes to teach before afternoon - that asshole - and never in his life had Kurt envied him more for something so silly as that. Yes, he was afraid and Peter could look right through his facade so why should he even try and keep one up anyway?

»Well, I am scared.« Kurt sighed looking in the mirror now. He could see Peter’s face in the reflection and it was almost like looking at him directly, only less frightening. He was so scared that he didn't even manage to tie his stupid blue tie, so he gave up with a frustrated sigh. Peter was in front of him before he could even blink and he had expected nothing less too as his lover had turned him around and away from the mirror without Kurt even realizing it as it happened. Gently Peter started tugging on his tie, his brown eyes fixed on the task at hand as he did.

»Why are you scared, Babe? Talk to me.« His voice was as low and understanding as it always was these days and still Kurt didn't even quite know if he could stand Peter being like this for the rest of their days together. Everyone was so careful around him nowadays. Everyone seemed to be walking in eggshells around him. Even Peter and he hated this. He was no damsel in distress, no traumatized little child that needed help and protection. He had gone through hell, yes, but he had survived and he had come back from it too.

»Well, I don't know? Maybe because I haven't been teaching for quite some time?«

»Yeah, but that's not the real reason now, is it? You haven't even been that afraid as you first started teaching.« Peter smirked. »I noticed that you hardly slept last night, Kurt. You moved around more than me!«

»Sorry. I didn't want to keep you awake.«

»It's okay. If you can't sleep, I can't sleep, that's the deal we’ve made when we moved in together, did you forget? Hey, _Liebling_ , I’m here for you and you know that. Just talk to me - even if it's three fucking AM or something. I'm always going to listen to you, Blueberry.« As if he needed to tell him that. Kurt knew that Peter would always listen to him. He knew that he could always count on him. He knew that he was always there. Hell, as no one had believed he was still alive, Peter had not given up on him. He had been the one person who had gone out looking for him, who had not given up in his search for him and who had found him at last.

»It's just … I'm nervous, okay? I don't know … I don't know what the students know about what happened. I don't want them to look at me differently now.«

»Why would they?«

»I don't know … It's just … I'm afraid.« He was afraid of the looks of his students, of questions about what happened, of seeing Victor even. After all, he had been there, he had seen Kurt at his worst, he knew the hell they had been in and he had seen the monster too. Victor had enlisted in all of the classes Kurt was teaching too. He wanted to be close to Kurt, apparently. He wanted to be near Kurt. Maybe that was worse.

»Don't rush yourself, Kurt, okay? I’m sure the Professor would understand if you would say that you need a bit more time.«

»How much longer should I take a break then, Pete? Really. It has been months since I’m back from hell and I start to run out of excuses.«

»You don't need excuses. Everyone understands.«

»Excuses to myself of why I can't move forward.« He sighed. »I can't stand to look at myself being that pathetic. It's not the first time I was locked in a cage. It was not the first time I was tortured like this. Why is it so difficult this time?«

»Because it's normal, Kurt. That's the normal response to something so horrific.«

Kurt shook his head. »Maybe it is, but it's also time to get over it now, Peter. I just have to do it.« He straightened his shoulders as Peter brushed his hands over his tie as if to smooth it out.

»You go then, Blueberry. If anyone can do that then it's you, right?« That was what Peter said and Kurt wanted to believe that his boyfriend meant it just like that, that Peter really believed in him, but he was not sure if he really did or just said it to make him feel better. Maybe it was all the same to Peter. Maybe Kurt was the only one who was making a big deal out of it.

Of course, the day was not going smoothly for Kurt. As he was walking the hallways of this school, he felt strange. He felt almost as if he was no longer a part of this Institute as if it would be time for him to really leave this place behind and do something on his own. Still, everyone he came across greeted him with smiles and friendliness all around and Kurt almost couldn't stand all that friendliness. He managed to get through his classes only because he was taking little breaks outside the classrooms while his students were reading on their own and he felt not only pathetic for having to flee his own classrooms from time to time, but also like a complete letdown that he needed to do that to keep functioning. He felt claustrophobic inside the school and the panic of talking in front of these kids suddenly became almost overpowering at times. He had never been afraid to do something like this before. He was a performer, after all. He was raised this way and he never knew stage fright but today, on this first day after hell, he really had a hard time dealing with it.

He was almost glad to come back home as night fell to a silent apartment. And yet inside these walls, he felt trapped. He wanted out. He wanted to be far away from this school and he was terrified of these thoughts. This was his home, after all. The place where he had gotten a chance for a new life. This was the place where he had found love and acceptance from people like him and people that were different.

Outside, the first flakes of snow for this year were already falling. His birthday had been a few weeks ago and now Christmas was right around the corner. A part of him wished he had waited until after the Christmas break to start working again. Then again, would this have changed anything? Probably not. As he roamed through his apartment, he couldn't really find any sort of solitude in his own four walls. He was drawn outside and he knew that Peter wouldn't be home for at least an hour anyway.

However, instead of _bamfing_ outside and into the park of the mansion, Kurt instead decided to visit the gym. _His_ gym. Maybe he would start feeling better again would he start doing what he loved again, something he had done as long as he could remember. The Professor had this kind of jungle gym installed for mutants like him with hoops hanging from the ceiling, silk ropes, a trapeze, and bars to climb. Within just a few moments, Kurt had made sure that he was alone and had changed into his training gear before he had switched on the music. It was just easier to train to music, especially if that music came from the King of Pop himself.

He warmed up quickly as he had learned during his circus times and how he had shown his students to in the past before he went to the equipment. The trapeze was his favorite still and being up there was still almost like flying. Being up high somehow felt a lot better than being down on the ground and though he couldn't quite place why that was, he was certainly not willing to give up his position up here, flying high above the ground like this now too.

He didn't even know how long he stayed inside the gym. The only thing he did was listening to the music and getting his body to do the stuff it was made for. Almost, he had feared he had forgotten how to do it, as if the monster had made him forget somewhere along the lines. He wouldn't put it past that cruel little blue demon either. Then again … Was this really fair? The monster had saved him. It had saved those kids. Sure, Kurt hated that it had to exist in the first place but only through its existence was he still alive, right? That was a truth he had to accept whether he liked it or not. Maybe he would never get rid of it ever again, maybe it would stay lurking in the depths of his mind, watching over him with preying eyes even. Well, he wouldn't be surprised.

»Your boyfriend is up in arms again because he can't find you.« Almost Kurt dropped right from the ceiling as he was clinging to the highest of the bars that were set up. He had expected almost everyone, except his mother. Well, no, not his mother - _Mystique_. That was still a very much important difference, he supposed.

It wasn't quite the first time since he had confronted her about being his mother that he was seeing her, but the last few time she had come to the school to drop off a few more mutant children that she had rescued, had been very brisk and not extended to more than a court _hello_ in passing. He hadn't really attached any importance to meeting or talking to her again. She was his biological mother, yes, that much was true, she had brought him into this world, that was also true, but she hadn't raised him, she hadn't been there for him all his life, she hadn't changed his diapers nor had she taught him how to walk or speak or deal with his mutation. Margali Szardos, she was his mother. She had done all of this. She had adopted a mutant baby into her family without batting a lash despite everything.

For a long moment, he just stared at her from his spot so close to the ceiling and pondered about just ignoring her, instead, however, he dropped down and _bamfed_ right in front of her. She didn't even bat a lash, still standing close to the open gym doors with crossed arms in her favorite blonde form. Then again, she had trained him for one whole year and although he had grown much beyond that what she had taught him in the meantime, she still couldn't get surprised bis his teleportation anymore.

»Mystique.« He made a point of addressing her in that fashion and with that name but still, she didn't bat a lash.

»Nightcrawler.« She instead replied just as coolly as he had.

»What brings you here?« Not that he would really care, as a small part of his mind immediately liked to clarify. Then again, of course, he did care. He wouldn't ask her otherwise. He would just ignore her, would he not care.

»You, actually.«

»Me?«

»Well, you and the rest of the team. Charles said you’ve been slacking lately. He wanted me back to train you and the newcomers. I agreed.« She looked smug as she told him that and for a moment, Kurt was almost too certain that this was just some bolt lie of hers. However, it was true that they had all been ignoring their old training routine lately. There had been too many other things they had had to deal with, after all.

»So you decided to come back out of hiding, isn't that it?« She almost smiled - at least if he wanted to interpret her showing her teeth as smiling, he guessed.

»I was never in hiding, Kurt.« She replied again as she walked away from him but only to have a look around the new gym. »I traveled the world looking for mutants in need of rescuing. I heard you did the same a while ago and got captured by those monsters that are calling themselves _the Purifiers_.« Kurt visibly tensed and he hated himself for it.

»What do you even know about those people?«

»Well, William Stryker and I have history, you know? I guess he was just never too fond of a mutant like me meddling with his plans like I did. I freed Alex Summer, Scott’s older brother, from his clutches during the seventies, for example. Well, him and a few others too. But, I guess, that's only one reason why he hates my guts and not even the reason why he hates mutants like he does. So, yeah, I know a bit about him and this little group of his. Self-righteous bastards. And, I must say, I was proud to hear that you kept the family tradition of pissing off that asshole going.«

»I don't really care much about your praise so you may keep it for the younger mutants who actually still care about stuff like this, okay?«

»You've become quite cold.«

»Not at all. I just woke up to how the world really is. I wouldn't say I have grown cold - I have been too soft before - unable to see how the real world works, I guess, always believing in the good of man, always believing that one day we could all live happily together, mutants and humans alike.«

»I'm sorry to crush your dreams, Son, but this will never happen.« Almost he had wanted to hiss at her as she called him son. She of all people. Instead, he just snarled at her and started to collect the few things he had used to put them back. However, he could feel the monster lurking in the pits of his stomach.

»Thank you, I’m aware. We will never have the same right as all the other people on earth - Hell, the same goes for homosexuals too, I guess. And if you’re a homosexual mutant you’re fucked twice.«

»It does not have to be like this. We could build our own society, with our own laws.«

»Sounds lovely, but this will never be more than a dream and we both know that. Really, Raven, I'm not a child anymore - not that you would have ever known how I have been as a child, right? You, the great savior of endangered mutants, were too busy saving your own ass instead of caring about me, after all.« Was he still bitter about everything his mother had and hadn't done for him? Sure. And he didn't even want to hide any of this.

Why should he anyway? No, she should feel his wrath.

For a moment, she was just quiet and started helping him to tidy up the gym for tomorrow's classes. »You know … In the beginning, I almost never called you Kurt. Do you remember this?«

»Yeah, I do. It was rude.«

»I didn't mean it like that. It was just hard for me to call you by that name that I didn't give you. If I had been able to keep you, I would have called you Michael, after the Archangel. Funny, I know. I am not even religious.«

»That makes two of us now.« He thought about the anger he had felt after he had come back to his apartment for the first time and seen the cross over his bed. He had wanted to claim it had been the monster who had ripped it from the wall to get rid of it, that the monster hadn't been able to stand that cross in the room, but it had been him. Suddenly, Jesus had seemed to look at him in mockery.

»What do you mean?«

»I mean … How can I continue to believe in a God who seems to enjoy torturing his children on earth? How can I worship a God who lets stuff like this happen to those who love and believe in him? I'm done pretending that there is some form of benevolent entity out there who loves us all equally because apparently there isn't something like this out there. Or if it is, it clearly does not love us all equally.«

»Some people are just more equal than others, Kurt. I know, that sucks, but that's how the world works, I’m afraid. And I hate it that you had to learn this the hard way. You are a good man, Kurt Wagner and believe me when I say that I regretted not raising you. Now, however, I don't anymore.«

Again he huffed instead of an actual response.

»I don't regret it anymore because I could have never done as good as a job raising you than Margali, your mother, has. I would have probably corrupted you right from the start and you would have never become the man you are today under my care, that much is certain.«

»If thinking like that makes you feel better, then by all means, silence your own mind but don't bother me with this nonsense.« However, the seed was planted in his mind. Yes, what kind of person would this _Michael_ have become under Raven’s care? Who would he be today?

»I mean it, Kurt. I honestly do. I spent years thinking about you. I started rescuing mutants in place of the one mutant baby I couldn't rescue and I did regret every single moment that I was not with you. I thought you dead.«

Peter had told him about his conversation with Raven before he had left in search for Kurt together with Wanda. He knew this story and he was still not too certain whether he wanted to believe it or not. Somehow, he just couldn't bring himself to believe any of this while the more childish and lost part of him wanted to do just that. It was almost impossible to tell when Mystique was lying and when she was telling the truth.

»Even if you come back now« He finally began a little calmer now as he turned his body around to face her for real this time. »Even if I forgive you all your lies and the hurt you’ve caused me. I don't think that we will ever have more of a relationship than a professional. I wished I could tell you something else but I can't.«

»I accept that.« She sighed and the ghost of a smile brushed over her face in the process. »And although I would praise you for finally giving up on your faith, it doesn't suit you.«

※※※※※※※

»A mentoring program?« At least Kurt was not the only one surprised by the words of the Professor as they sat around the oval table inside the war room. Ororo’s mouth still hung open in surprise after that question left her mouth a bit too shrill perhaps. Charles Xavier, as usually, was the head of the table and, to Kurt's great dismay, Mystique sat at his right-hand side too. It had been a few weeks now that she came back and started working again and Kurt was surely not the only person mad about how she was reclaiming her position as Charles’ right hand as if nothing had ever happened in the first place.

»Many of our younger mutants in this school struggle with getting accommodated to this school.« The Professor started to explain finally. »I think that many of them would greatly benefit from having a person they can vent to, a mentor who shows them around and helps them to straighten out the kinks in the beginning.«

Under different circumstances, Kurt would have been all for it, but now he could only feel the knot in his stomach thinking about it. He could barely hold himself up, he could barely function as an almost normal adult by now. He still had nightmares, he still hardly slept, he still had troubles facing his classes and yet he should mentor some random mutant kid?

»I like the idea.« Kurt began politely despite the way he truly felt which earned him a funny little look from Jean who was probably sneaking around in his head a bit too much again. »And I would like to give it a shot somewhere down the line but for now, I would like to extract myself from the program. Until … Until I get better.«

»What a shame. I already found the perfect candidate for you, Kurt.« The Professor claimed and though his face looked honestly understanding and open, Kurt knew that he was disappointed.

»Which one?« Why was he even asking for crying out loud?

»Victor Borkowski. He asked a lot about you lately and he still struggles in this new school. I thought, since you already have a bond and relationship with that boy, you would have been the best candidate for it.« The Professor continued with a soft smile playing on his lips. »But, of course, I do understand your concerns, Kurt. We can find someone else who is suitable, I assume.«

»I could take him.« Scott offered immediately. »Kid’s smart and I think with the right training and daily exercise I can include him in one of my baseball teams in no time. You’ll see, once he is part of the gang, the kinks will straighten out themselves in no time!«

»I’ll take him.« The words escaped him without his permission even and he had not the slightest clue where this had come from in the first place. It just happened. Maybe the Professor had brought him to do just that, maybe the Professor was playing mind games with him. Who the hell could ever know those things anyway when it came to Professor X and his tricks? Anyway, whatever he had been doing, he had succeeded and now Kurt was in a situation he couldn't even quite determine in all it's glory.

»I'm glad to hear that.« Professor X replied with a smile that was a little too satisfied for Kurt’s taste. Yes, he had been tricking him and Kurt, in his weakened state of mind had fallen right into that trap. »And I think that mentoring that boy might benefit you just as much as him.«

»What do you mean?« Did he really want to discuss this in front of everyone else? Probably not but it didn't quite seem that he had a choice either, now that he sat here and asked those things.

»I mean, you have been in the same position a while ago. Victor has been with you in Canada and if anyone will understands the troubles you are still going through and can help you work through them, it's probably someone who has been there himself.«

Needless to say, Kurt was far from being sold on the Professor’s words but it was Peter's little grin who made him straighten out his shoulders and raise his chin. He could do that. He knew he could. It would get hard, of course and he didn't know if he would break down somewhere along the lines but even if he would, there was still Peter who was rooting for him all the way through it. Peter was still at his side despite everything they had gone through even before his disappearance and captivity. He could have just left him, angry for the way Kurt had been treating him before, but he was still here, still was at his side and still kept him rooted in reality.

If anything, Peter was the one thing keeping the monster at bay these days and that thought was as pleasant as it was terrifying.

 

**-End of Chapter 9-**


	10. Epilog

The danger room was buzzing with activity. Scott’s laser beams shot through the veil of fog coming from the explosions, a storm was raging overhead, large chunks of the machines that had already been destroyed flew through the air and a gush of silver was producing a proper whirlwind, while Kurt could hardly do anything but stand around and watch on. As the dust settled later, he was still in the same place as when all of this started and he was aware of the stares he got from the control center above, his own mother, Mystique, watching down on him.

»Maybe we should wait for a little longer before we get you back into missions again, Buddy.« Scott addressed him later as they changed back into their normal clothes. His first impulse was to say that he was okay and that he was not only willing but ready to go back to his work outside the school, that he was still able to fight and go out there and do things. But, as he opened his mouth to do just that, there was, maybe to his luck, another voice taking over.

»Maybe you are right.« He could see the surprise on Scott's face although he couldn't see his eyes. It was perfectly clear by the way he raised his eyebrows and Kurt had never been more aware of how Peter stared at him from across the room as he was just changing into his jeans again and putting his favorite AC/DC shirt back on. Peter was still so worried about him all the time. He was always around, always watching out for him and he hated it. 

He was no fragile little thing, no little girl that needed rescuing. He was battling his demons, but his demons were quite loud and annoying and Peter’s eagerness to help and protect him, did not make anything easier. This was a battle he could only fight alone, that Kurt knew perfectly well. However, Peter was still not ready to understand that. And if he understood that, he was not willing to accept it. 

As he and Peter later walked back to their apartment, Kurt felt itchy. He felt claustrophobic in this place. »You seem distracted.« Peter addressed him quietly as he placed his arm around his shoulders and pulled him a little closer to his side. »What's wrong, Babe? Are things with Vic not going alright?«

Victor, yes. Victor Borkowski,  _ Anole _ , that boy he had saved from the Purifiers, that boy he was supposed to be mentoring. »I like the kid.« Kurt sighed as he leaned into the moment and just enjoyed Peter’s presence beside him and the warmth he was putting out. He wrapped his own arm around Peter’s waist the same way he always did. »I really do. He’s a nice kid, bright too, but I just don't … I don't know what I can do for him, you know? I don't know how I'm supposed to help him - or anyone for that matter. All I do is sit around uselessly all the time. I can't even fight anymore.«

»You will fight again.« Peter pressed only a small kiss to his temple. »But before you can fight again, you have to get back to your feet and you shouldn't try to rush any of that. You take as much time as you need. Hey, we could just … We could leave, you know? If that makes you feel any better. We could go to Germany for a while - just get out of this school, away from the X-Men.«

»I don't want to flee like a coward, Pietro.«  

»You're not a coward, Honey. Shit, Kurt, you went through a lot there, you deserve time for yourself, you deserve taking care of yourself now and if you don't want to mentor Victor, that's fine too. He’s a reminder of what happened, after all.« Why was he always so understanding? Why couldn't he just tell him that he was behaving selfishly, that he was a coward for once? It was frustrating.

»But I do want to mentor him … I just don't know if this will benefit him.«

»You are not happy here, Kurt. I can see that.« Again, he wanted to lie and say that he was fine, that everything was hunky-dory, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Yes, it was frustrating that Peter always said the right things and that he always seemed oh so very understanding, but it was also what he needed to hear right now.

»I feel trapped here.« He finally admitted. »I feel like being trapped in a morgue.« 

»Then we should move out.« Peter offered with a smile as Kurt looked back up at him again. »What? Hey, I'm not getting any younger, Babe! I’m turning thirty-two in a few months, after all! My biological clock is ticking and I want my white-picket fence  _ now _ .« If anyone could pry a laugh from Kurt, it was this man he was walking beside now. No matter how bad things got or how down he felt, Peter would say something like this and Kurt would manage to find the humor in it. 

»So« Kurt smirked. »A white picket fence it is then.«

※※※※※※※

It felt odd as they were packing up their boxes in their apartment. It felt odd as their furniture was moved into that truck waiting outside with the help of their friends. Well, being a mutant surely had its benefits even when doing something as mundane as moving. However, as Kurt stood in the door of his and Peter’s empty apartment, he felt weird. There was no sign that they had ever been here left now. Nothing that would tell anyone who had lived in this apartment before, no trace of them and their life together and of what they had lived through while staying here. 

He had felt like he had been trapped  in a cage for those last few months, but there were no claw marks on the floorboards and walls, nothing indicating the struggle that had taken place in here and would continue on from now on for Kurt knew that his issues would not be resolved just by leaving this place behind and moving into a new house. 

Kurt found himself wandering around the apartment one last time to make sure that everything was taken care of and that there were no loose ends needed to be tied up. For their friends and the school, it seemed not to be a big deal that Peter and he would be leaving. They were still teaching here, they were still X-Men and their house was not even far away and yet, to Kurt, it felt like their house was on a whole other planet. He had never thought he would need the space. He had grown up living door to door with other people, always traveling, always moving and now, suddenly, he felt as if he couldn't breathe in here. He needed the space and being away from this school and everything that was going on. 

»The end of an era.« As Kurt turned to look over his shoulder, Peter leaned in the doorframe with an almost sad smile that Kurt could only return as he stopped in front of the window that allowed him a look outside and into the park where the students were playing and hanging out. Peter was behind him in no time and closed his arms around him, resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder as they were looking outside. »I’m almost sad.« Peter grinned. »I mean, we met here, we fell in love here, we grew up together in this school and now we’re leaving.«

»We’re leaving - and we’re staying. We will always be part of this school.«

»Yeah. And it's about time we do that.« Peter sighed. »I mean … Jean and Scott will marry soon and when they do, they will surely want to move on too. We’re adults now, I guess. We always knew that we would have to cut the cord sooner or later.«

»I'm not so sure about that.« Kurt smirked as he glanced at Peter with a wink. Peter only snorted at this remark as he pulled him even closer now.

»How did your students take it that you leave? Mine were  _ heartbroken _ .«

»They took it alright. After all, I'm continuing to teach them anyway. And in case of an emergency - Hell, you’re fast and I can teleport, right?« Kurt paused for a second. »Victor wasn't happy though. He took it not very well, I guess. He thinks I'm leaving because of him. That I couldn't stand being in this school all the time with him around.«

»It's not completely untrue, right?«

»No, it's not. I told him that I had a hard time being here after the things that happened and I told him that his presence kept reminding me of what happened to me in Canada. And I told him that it's not his fault and that I just need a bit more time to work through that.«

»Do you think he understood?«

»I think that kid is eleven years old, Peter.« Kurt sighed. »No, he didn't understand, but he will. I gave my best that he wouldn't have to suffer when we were there. I did everything I could to keep him from harm and I forgot about myself. I forgot that I was a person too. I’ve allowed them to torture and brainwash me so that Victor wouldn't have to suffer these things. I forgot what this would do to me. I didn't care what this would do to me. I didn't care that this might destroy me forever - us, our relationship. And when I got out, I was afraid that everything would break down around me because I forgot to protect myself too.«

»Well, that's just who you are, right? You're always trying to protect everyone. But you need to learn that sometimes it's more important to keep yourself safe and sane.« 

»I know that now. Honestly, I promise you that I do understand that now. Had the monster not taken over, I would have died there. So, I guess, I shouldn't be too hateful towards the monster. It saved me. It brought me back to you.« The monster would always be a part of him from now on and slowly, Kurt started to accept this. Maybe it would have woken up anyway, even without the drugs and the things those people had done to him. Maybe the monster was his failsafe and maybe it had always been there.

»You can't always be a saint, Kurt.« Peter sighed. »And if it takes you becoming a monster for you to come back to me in one piece, then I’ll take that monster gladly. And now come. Scott’s starting to get impatient and we wouldn't want him to drive to our new home without us, right?«

Kurt nodded and felt how Peter left him. As he turned around, Peter was already at the door, waiting for him, his hand extended towards Kurt so that he would take it. With another small sigh and a smile, Kurt followed him and paused only as he switched off the light in their apartment. It was truly odd to leave this place alone and yet it felt right as Kurt pulled the door close behind them and took Peter's hand.

 

**-End of Epilog-**


End file.
